It’s an exciting Oscar race this year, as we have some real skin in the game in terms of favorites. No longer do we have to hang our hat on an extreme longshot win for Deadpool; two of our faves are near-locks to win at least one award tonight, with Guillermo del Toro the Best Director Favorite for The Shape of Water, and Jordan Peele in the lead for Get Out‘s Best Original Screenplay. And while we’ve known since at least Galaxy Quest of the greatness that is Sam Rockwell, tonight may be the night Oscar acknowledges that fact too.
Sure, we have longshot picks as well — will Blade Runner 2049 pick up any awards for its visuals and soundscapes, for example? Will there be inappropriate jokes about the disgraced producer whose name rhymes with Larvae Finebean? Will the wrong envelope get opened again? (Probably, but as a deliberate gag, yes?) Can Dunkirk spark a 70mm revival where The Hateful 8 and The Master could not? Might we cry harder than Daniel Kaluuya?
Sit back, relax, and let us do all the reminding of who won. A year from now, you’ll want to look back at this to win at trivia night. Today, stay for the updates. We’ll let you know if anything important happens.
5 p.m. – Fake out intro saying “Celebrity Street Fights With Mario Lopez” will be preempted tonight. The intro is mixing vintage footage with new footage in black and white. Armie Hammer is described as being born when a witch put a spell on a Ken doll. Salma Hayek is sitting next to Amphibian Man from The Shape of Water.
Jimmy Kimmel is introduce in black and white, but then the screen rises and he’s in color. “This year when you hear your name called, don’t get up right away.” Says he chose not to do a comedy bit with the accountants last year, so they decided to do some comedy on their own. “Oscar is 90 years old, which means he’s probably at home watching Fox News.”
“Here’s how clueless Hollywood is about women: We made a movie called What Women Want, and it starred Mel Gibson.”
Kimmel touts #TimesUp and #MeToo, says it’s all about positivity, and we’re going to see a tribute to many inspirational movies tonight that all got crushed by Black Panther. “If you are a nominee tonight who isn’t making history, shame on you.” Goes off on Mark Wahlberg getting more money for All the Money in the World reshoots than Michelle Williams despite their having the same agent. “If we can’t trust agents, who can we trust?”
“We don’t make movies like Call Me By Your Name to make money. We make them to upset Mike Pence.” Asks Christopher Plummer how Lin-Manuel Miranda compares to the real Alexander Hamilton. Kimmel encourages nominess to speak out on issues if they win, encouraging people to march with the high school students if they choose, or just thank family; it’s their platform. But the person who gives the shortest speech will win a new jet-ski. In the unlikely event of a tie, it’s going to Christopher Plummer.
Before Best Supporting Actor, a montage of previous winners. Viola Davis to present, coming out to the Austin Powers theme for some reason.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Sam Rockwell, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri
“I’d like to thank the Academy – never thought I’d say those words.” Recalls his dad getting home out of school saying something happened to his grandma, then revealing they were actually going to the movies instead. Thanks everyone involved with Three Billboards, and “anyone who’s ever looked at a billboard.” Dedicated his win to Phil[ip Seymour] Hoffman.
Kimmel says if your speech runs over this year, there won’t be music but “this”–and Lakeith Stanfield comes running out in costume yelling “Get out! Get out!”
BEST HAIR AND MAKEUP – Darkest Hour. No surprise; the rare old-age makeup that was totally convincing and always on-camera. First winners to thank their cats.
Eva Marie Saint comes out, preceded by an On the Waterfront clip. Standing O. She looks and sounds great for someone “older than the Academy.” She lost her husband last year; says that applause makes up for it and she knows he can hear it.
BEST COSTUME DESIGN – Phantom Thread. A bit of a surprise, but the movie is all about costumes, after all.
Kimmel says since the show started, Black Panther has made another$48 million. Cut to Chadwick Boseman rubbing his hands with glee. Laura Dern and Greta Gerwig introduce documentary nominees with the expected plea for the importance of fact and truth.
BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE – Icarus. Statement against Vladimir Putin? Affirmation of Russian ban in the Olympics? Directors say they hope their movie is a wakeup call not just about Russia, but also about telling the truth. Kimmel: “Now at least we know Putin didn’t rig this.”
Taraji P. Henson introduces Mary J. Blige’s song nominee from Mudbound. Blige starts solo against a backdrop of clouds; joined by a choir as the back projection turns into the Mudbound shack during a rainy day, until finally at the end the sun shines through. Use of back-projection A+.
A montage mixing footage of science fiction and movies about making movies is here to make a point about imagination. It segues into more classic films, many of them genre, then Roger Ebert talking about empathy, then lots of lines about hope, freedom, and empathy. Ah, it’s a 90-year anniversary montage. 90 years of dreams. Ends by thanking audiences for going to the movies (can you thank us by making tickets a bit cheaper?).
Kimmel says he’s about to read the first joke ever made at the Oscars, 90 years ago: “Christopher Plummer is tonight’s youngest nominee.”
BEST SOUND EDITING – Dunkirk. A well-edited movie all-around.
BEST SOUND MIXING – Dunkirk. For excellence in immersive combat.
Kimmel goes into the audience, asks Steven Spielberg if he has any pot.
Lupita Nyong’o and Kumail Nanjiani make jokes about people having trouble pronouncing their names. Kumail says his real name is Chris Pine, but he’s not allowed to use it. They tout their status as immigrants, and say like everyone in the room, they’re dreamers — dreams are the foundation of Hollywood. “And so to all the dreamers out there, we stand with you” – Kumail.
BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN – The Shape of Water.Â
Euginio Derbez introduces a performance of “Remember Me” from Coco. After a modest first verse, the backdrop opens up for a brightly lit Dia de los Muertos palace, staircase, and Flamenco dancers.
The costume designer from Phantom Thread is in the lead for shortest speech with 36 seconds. Kimmel’s now adding to the prize with a Lake Havasu vacation, where the jet-ski can also be used.
Rita Moreno is also looking and sounding great, presenting Best Foreign Language.
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM – A Fantastic Woman. From Chile. Not sure many people had that one in their pool, but if you did, you just shot ahead.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Allison Janney, I Tonya. Tough, tough competition in this field. No doubt she was good, but so were all of them. She jokes “I did it all by myself!” then confirms she means nothing could be further from the truth. Thanks all her coworkers, and Joanne Woodward for helping her believe in herself. However, we do not get to say “Never thought I’d see Tonya Harding thanked at the Oscars,” because she was not mentioned this time.
The Star Wars cast is about to come out, so Kimmel wishes his 9 year-old self could be there. A boy comes out and claims to be exactly that, chastising his older self for looking 60 and being in bad shape. Older Kimmel tells him to shut up and read the prompter, because he knows where the magazines are hidden.
Mark Hamill jokes about a Jedi pension plan. BB-8 complains he’s not in a tuxedo like the rest of them. Kelly Marie Tran says it’s sensitive: nobody would dress him.
BEST ANIMATED SHORT – Dear Basketball. Kobe Bryant wins an Oscar! He says as a basketball player he’s supposed to shut up and dribble, but tonight he can do more than that, and thanks his family.
BB-8 beeps. Tran asks how Oscar Isaac can understand him; Isaac says he’s speaking Yiddish. Tran asks how he knows they’re meant to present two awards, and Hamill says he’s the only one who came to rehearsal.
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE – Coco. Filmmakers thank their spouses, two of whom are same-sex. “Marginalized people deserve to feel like they belong. Representation matters.”
Daniela Vega introduces Sufjan Stevens’ song from Call Me By Your Name. As befits the movie, a much more modest performance.
BEST VISUAL EFFECTS – Blade Runner 2049. It won one! CGI Sean Young beats out two different CGI Andy Serkises.
Matthew McConaughey talks about how movies are an illusion and a magic trick. He sounds like he’s never thought about how movies were made ever before. Or that he tapped his Dallas Buyer’s Club stash.
BEST EDITING – Dunkirk. No surprise. Three storylines and time-cheats made coherent is an obvious win.
“And back to a windowless room full of Avids he goes” – Kimmel. Transitions into thanking the moviegoing public. Has a hidden camera in the Chinese Theater, where a recruited audience is watching a sneak preview of A Wrinkle in Time, and now he’s rounding up a posse to go thank them in person. Emily Blunt, Mark Hamill, Gal Gadot, Guillermo del Toro, Margot Robbie are among the group he gets together. Commercial break while they walk over. Seems de rigeur every year now to do at least one stunt that surprises the general public, a.k.a. Hollywood tourists.
Ansel Elgort and Armie Hammer have hot dog cannons. They’re going to stop the movie in the middle! Sorry Ava! Hope they’re only pausing it. And now I really want a hot dog cannon. Those things are cool.
Kimmel brings up a bearded audience member named Mike Young to introduce the next Oscar presenters: Tiffany Haddish (whose name he fumbles) and Maya Rudolph. They complain about their feet in the fancy shoes, and tell the audience not to worry, that more white people will be out soon.
BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT – Heaven Is a Traffic Jam on the 405. A title every Angeleno must only assume is ironic somehow.
Rudolph compliments Haddish’s urination scene in Girl’s Trip; she reciprocates by complimenting the defecation scene in Bridesmaids.
BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT – The Silent Child. Short film about deafness, so the acceptance speech is signed as well as spoken, with a plea for awareness despite the fact that deafness isn’t life-threatening.
Dave Chappelle is here! “Thank you for that smattering of applause.” Here to introduce the song from Marshall. Jokes that you never see someone in a fancy car who says they made a killing in activism. Common gives a new intro, full of current events references, to the NRA (“in God’s way”), Parkland, Puerto Rico, and immigration, among others. He adds more off-the-cuff lyrics throughout, telling the crowd to stand up for what they believe in. This may be the first Oscars where people are being encouraged to speak more politically than they planned to.
The#TimesUp moment, with Ashley Judd, Salma Hayek, and Annabella Sciorra touting inclusion, intersectionality, diversity. It leads into a video that kicks off with Mira Sorvino, Lee Daniels, Dee Rees and more touting their diverse offerings this year. Kumail Nanjiani says it won’t be that hard to relate to people who don’t look like you; “I’ve done it my whole life.” Mentions wife Emily V. Gordon’s idea to start a website called “Muslims having fun” because she gets to see that and most of America doesn’t. Geena Davis remembers how Thelma and Louise didn’t change the game as it should have. Ends with Greta Gerwig telling everyone to just go make a movie, on their phones if need be.
T’Challa and Harley Quinn now out to present for screenplay.
BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY – Call Me By Your Name. James Ivory thanks all his colleagues who are no longer with us, and says by honoring him you’re honoring them.
BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY – Get Out. We can’t really say “get out!” in response, because this was expected and hoped for. Jordan Peele begins by telling the crowd to be quiet because they’ll mess up his jet ski win. Dedicates his award to everyone who helped to raise his voice. And everyone who bought a ticket or told somebody to buy one.
Wes Studi as a presenter! (Sagat forever!) Mentions his service in the National Guard and Vietnam, and says that as a veteran, he appreciates movies about people who have been in the service. It’s an introduction to a montage of war movie honorees, and he does it in both English and Cherokee.
Kimmel apologizes to the troops afterward for the inclusion of Matt Damon in that montage.
Sandra Bullock is introduced as the star of Speed, Gravity, and Crash, which Kimmel says are three reasons never to get in a plane with Harrison Ford. She asks for the lights to be lowered so she can look 35 again. “Here are the four men and the one trailblazing woman who are nominated for achievement in cinematography.”
BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY – Blade Runner 2049. Yes, Roger Deakins finally gets it after 14 nominations. Says he’d better say something or else they’ll give him a jet ski, and he doesn’t want one.
Zendaya introduces the Greatest Showman song, “This Is Me, ” by Keala Settle. And it’s following the pattern: just Settle in the dark, then a big reveal of the choir and band behind her.
Christopher Walken gets an intro with a clip from The Deer Hunter. He’s wearing a regular tie — not a tux — and loosely. Goes straight to the nominees for score.
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – The Shape of Water. Perennial winner Alexandre Desplat congratulates his mother for also being 90, and dedicates the win to his daughters.
Emily Blunt and Lin-Manuel Miranda are going to give that Mary Poppins seal of approval to the best song.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – “Remember Me” from Coco. Same writers as “Let It Go.”
Jennifer Garner is here! Let’s get her back in more movies. And she’s here to introduce the death reel, with Eddie Vedder singing Tom Petty’s “Room at the Top.” Ah dammit, we’re gonna cry, aren’t we?
Emma Stone, to present for directing: “These four men, and Greta Gerwig…”
BEST DIRECTOR – Guillermo del Toro! The Shape of Water. Nothing “fishy” about this win, except everything in the movie, of course. He talks about loving to live all over the place, and we should erase lines in the sand instead of making them deeper. But of all the places he’s lived, he likes to live at Fox Searchlight the best because they greenlit this crazy movie.
A historical Best Actor montage brings us back from commercial. And Jane Fonda and Helen Mirren are presenting. Fonda compares the sets to the Orgasmatron in Barbarella., and makes a pitch for unity by saying everyone can be mesmerized by a great performance.
BEST ACTOR – Gary Oldman, Darkest Hour. Think we all called that one. Only his second nomination. He thanks America for the wonderful gifts it has given him: his home, his family, his friends…and now his Oscar. He tells director Joe Wright it only took them 20 years to work together, but it was worth the wait. Close by saluting Sir Winston Churchill for being a marvelous companion, and his wife for being at his side. Obviously, he notes, he won’t win the jet ski, so he congratulates his mother, who is about to turn 99, and thanks her for her love and support. “Put the kettle on, I’m bringing Oscar!”
A Best Actress montage follows right away, and includes likely winner Frances McDormand. Jodie Foster (on crutches) and Jennifer Lawrence are presenting.
Lawrence: “What happened to you?”
Foster: “Streep. She I, Tonya‘ed me.”
BEST ACTRESS – Frances McDormand, Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri. Ya, you bet’cha. McDormand says that if she falls over, somebody pick her up because she has something to say. Thanks her husband and son for being well-raised by their feminist mothers. She invites all the female nominees in the room to stand up with her, then says everyone in the room needs to talk to these ladies about projects — not at the parties tonight but in their offices during business hours. Ends by saying she has two words for us: “inclusion rider.”
Kimmel: “This is the home stretch. nothing could possibly go wrong from here on.” Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway are out again for a do-over. Beatty: “It’s so nice seeing you again.” Dunaway: “As they say, presenting is lovelier the second time around.”
BEST PICTURE – The Shape of Water. Del Toro double-checks the envelope just to be sure. He says Spielberg told him that if you win and get up to the podium, remember that you’re part of a legacy. Says anyone who thinks you can use genre-fantasy to talk about real issues…you can. Kick down the door.
And finally, Helen Mirren comes out on the jet ski to present it to the winner: Phantom Thread‘s costume designer.
Fantasy won for the first time since Return of the King, y’all. Now go watch The Walking Dead.
What do you think of the show and winners so far? Comment below to add your thoughts and snaps.
Images: Flickr/David Ortmann, Fox Searchlight, Dreamworks, Focus Features, Marvel Studios, Warner Bros., Universal, Comedy Central, ABC
