It can happen when you least suspect it: shopping at your neighborhood grocery store, sitting down at your favorite bar, even dining at your local Buffalo Wild Wings—movie spoilers. Sure, Citizen Kane might have been released over 75 years ago, but that doesn’t justify someone just casually mentioning that Rosebud was his sled, right?!* You were saving that one for a special movie night! …Eventually.
But now, you’re a victim no more, because you can take action against this most heinous and unforgivable crime by calling attorney Harold Dooley, the Movie-Spoiler Lawyer. He specializes in getting you the payout you deserve when you accidentally overhear that Han Solo dies in The Force Awakens, which you were totally getting to.
You might not even have known that the law is in your side, but you have a right to your ignorance—even if The Usual Suspects came out in 1995 and enough is enough, just take a couple of hours and watch it already.
Because spoilers shouldn’t spoil your life. The world should operate on your absurd movie-watching timeline.
Of course, the law isn’t actually on your side. Harold Dooley is really New York comedian Nick Turner, and this video comes from fellow New Yorker, comedian and filmmaker Pat Stango, who shared this to his sketch comedy group’s YouTube page, Fortress of Attitude.
Because while some might think there’s nothing funny about spoilers, there’s plenty to laugh at when it comes to people thinking they have an indefinite right to not hearing other people discuss popular movies.
What was the worst movie spoiler of your life? Share it with us in the comments below.
Images: Pat Stango/Fortress of Attitude
*If you didn’t know that about Citizen Kane then we apologize that you think a movie released in 1941 qualifies for “no-spoiler” status. Get a grip. Also, Bruce Willis is dead the whole time in The Sixth Sense.
