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Judging Neural Network-Generated Metal Band Names

Totally absurd Pokemon names, completely incomprehensible paint colors, the worst pick-up lines in history? Let neural networks name everything. But with such ridiculous and strange results, maybe we should push them into a more appropriate field, like naming heavy metal bands.

This is just what the neural-network-writing Picasso, Janelle Shane, did with her latest project (which we first came across at Gizmodo), where she “provided a dataset of over 100,000 bands, subgenres, and countries of origin” so it could “learn” and “try to make more of the same.” The results, as always, range from silly to insane.

While her network even generated specific metal genres (thrash, black, death, etc), as well as a country of origin for each, we’re interested in the names only, to see if we’d want to go mosh at one of their concerts. So here’s our quick analysis of each one.

  • Dragonred of Blood: Lose the “of” and you have a winner.
  • Deathhouse: How is this not already a band! Or a horror movie franchise?
  • Vultrum: “Ask your doctor about taking Vultrum today.”
  • Stäggabash: We would definitely fly to Europe to drink mead and hear Stäggabash.
  • Deathcrack: Drugs are bad, mkay?
  • Stormgarden: Oh, no! Not a storm….in our garden.
  • Vermit: A vomiting Kermit the frog is the right kind of stupid metal name we love.
  • Swiil: It’s like regular swill, but with an exotic spelling. Why does that work for us!

  • Inbumblious: This is a year-one spell at Hogwarts.
  • Inhuman Sand: Sand is annoying, but we expect a much more ominous noun after the word “inhuman.”
  • ChaosWorge le Plague: As a band? Out. A solo artist? In.
  • Inhum the Thorg: We like it even more for a comic book villain.
  • Chaosrug: “The Chaosrug really held the concert together?” Nope.
  • Jazzy: This one might suck the most.
  • Sux: Maybe not.
  • Dragonsulla and Steelgosh: We would see this twin bill, but we hope Dragonsulla closes.
  • Verking of the Beats: Did grandma try to talk to us about twerking?
  • Squeen: Lazy even as an epithet for a scream queen.

  • Death from the Trend: Can’t go wrong with “death” in a metal band name, and in fairness no one likes a negative trend.
  • Shuck: Repeat this a bunch of times and suddenly kinda works.
  • Dragorhast: One of the best. We don’t know how to say it, which is half its appeal.
  • Verb: Everyone knows “Interjection” is the most metal part of speech.
  • Black Clonic Sky: Any combo of two of these words, in any order, works, but not this name.
  • Snapersten: A metal band or a new hipster bar in Brooklyn?
  • Verk: Where did the German go every day? Not to a concert.
  • Snee: The brother of Captain Hook’s right hand man does not make for a great band name.
  • Vomberdean: Nonsense that means nothing? This might be the most metal name yet.
  • Suffer the Blue: How did an emo band make the list?
  • Sespessstion Sanicilevus: This was the wizard who invented the Inbumblious curse.

  • Sköpprag: We love metal names that also sound like places that sell viking helmets at the airport.
  • Sht: This name is really….crappy.
  • Sun Damage Omen: Sounds like a poster you see in your dermatologist’s office.

Okay, so not quite a passing grade, but probably the highest success rate yet for neural network naming. Although, that probably says less about the skill of the neural network and more about the absurdity of metal band names.

Which one of these fake bands is your favorite? Name yours in the comments section below.

Featured Image: New Line Cinema

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