Noted Mark Wahlberg simulacrum and Sklarbro Country‘s foremost expert on Floridian crime Dan Van Kirk is a firm believer in the electoral college and the civic duty of every American to vote. In particular, he wants you to re-elect incumbent Roger Thompson to his local city council. He’s got a hardline thumbs-down stance on crime, an attractive All-American family, and a huge problem looming at the polls. Just what could Councilman Thompson be facing? Well, you’ll have to watch these recently unearthed campaign ads to find out. Warning: the results may be just as shocking as the 2000 presidential election, so if you are pregnant, nursing, easily spooked, made uncomfortable by blonde people, or under 42″ tall, then please proceed with caution.

So, who will you be voting for this election season? Let us know in the comments below or cast your vote to me directly on Twitter.