When I heard Denny’s was doing a cross-promotional menu with the Fantastic Four I couldn’t have been more excited. This is what I do; this is what I love! Comics and food in the ultimate mash-up! Then I saw the menu…and I felt defeated.

The new menu is brilliantly named “Slamtastic 4” but that’s where the excitement ends. First up on the menu is the “Human Torch Skillet”. Ok, not bad: jalepenos equal fire, we get it. However, rearrange those eggs and that sausage and something just feels…wrong. I’ll just order my eggs scrambled, thanks.

Next on the menu is the “Invisible Woman Slam”. Um…what is this? Nothing about this screams Sue Storm. Maybe it’s just me, but I would have appreciated a plate of nothing because charging people for invisible food would have been the greatest thing on earth. Let’s move on.

“The Thing Burger.” Now we’re talking. This at least resembles a character, in that the cheddar bun could easily pass for Ben Grimm. Just add eyes! That may be going to too far but at least this has a hint of originality. By the way, it comes topped with Thing Sauce. Uh…not touching that joke either.

Now for Mister Fantastic’s meal. What? There’s NO Mister Fantastic meal, at all? How is this possible? The founding member of the Fantastic Four doesn’t deserve his own dedicated egg plate? This is an outrage! At least slap his name onto a previous dish like “Reed Richard’s Moons Over My Hammy.” Anything! Come on!

Moving on, the final character dish on the menu is the Doctor Doom Lava Cake. I’m at a loss for words because I don’t know how this relates to Doctor Doom at all. I’m just going to make up an origin story that Victor von Doom really liked chocolate ice cream and leave it at that. “I am Doom… Destroyer of chocolate”.

All in all, I’m not impressed with these Fantastic Four offerings. Perhaps I hoped they’d be as thoughtful as the Disneyland Avengers menu. Still, I shouldn’t knock it until I try it. Let me eat my Johnny Storm sausage and Thing Sauce and get back to you.

The Denny’s Fantastic Four “Slamtastic 4” menu will be available starting June 23.

Can you think of better Fantastic Four food puns? (Believe me, you can.) Let us know in the comments!

HT: io9
*all images via io9