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In a Fantasy Battle Between Darth Vader and Xenomorphs, Who Wins?

There aren’t many debates nerdier than those that pit franchise against franchise, universe against universe. Pop culture canon is complicated enough without trying to determine if Superman could beat Goku, or whether Nightcrawler would actually be faster than The Flash (oops). One battle in particular that I’ve seen in forums and chat rooms is that between a lightsaber-weilding Darth Vader and an acid-filled xenomorph. But I think if you consider the science of the encounter—the physics and the chemistry and the biology—this showdown wouldn’t go down like everyone seems to think.

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In the first episode of Because Science to air on its own channel, I’m taking this geeky question way too seriously and am pitting an aging space wizard that needs a suit to breathe against a moderately intelligent kill beast with acid for blood. Most every opinion that I could find says it’s a done deal for Vader. When force push comes to shove, he has his lightsaber, which cauterizes wounds and gets around the most dangerous aspect of xenomorph biology.

Or does it?

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