SCENE:

Interior: a sketchy dive bar on the outskirts of a strange, dusty land

In walks a brash, confident man who needs a drink after a hectic day outrunning his evil enemies. He looks around and sees a room full of questionable characters and only one available seat. It’s at a table occupied by a man who strangely looks a lot like himself. He walks over and tilts his head at the empty chair and the other man nods his okay.

“The name’s Han Solo.”

“Indiana Jones.”

Normally when people imagine Harrison Ford‘s two most iconic characters meeting they debate who would win in a fight, but why? The better hypothetical is whether Han Solo and Indiana Jones would like each other. To answer that very important question we’re breaking down the topics that might prove most contentious if the two found themselves sharing a drink at cantina of disrepute, to determine if their differences would make them enemies, or if they’d find enough common ground to become friends.

Profession

Han: A street smart smuggler embroiled in the seedy underbelly of society, he has no problem stealing goods and selling them to the highest bidder. He’s a proud outlaw, though there are limits to who he is willing to deal with.

Indy: A respected and brilliant college professor, he believes valuable treasures belong in a museum and not solely in the hands of greedy men who would otherwise hoard them.

Verdict: The common conversation starter “What do you do for a living?” does not get them off on the right foot. Indiana Jones would despise Han for being a rogue who would gladly deal in black market antiquities if there was a buck to be made. Indy has no problem boarding a train or boat to stop men like Han, so he probably wouldn’t have an issue sneaking on to the Millennium Falcon if he thought some scared Jedi textbook was on it.

Religion

Han: Old Han might feel differently, but young Han Solo has flown from one side of this galaxy to the other and he’s seen a lot of strange stuff, but never anything to make him believe there’s one all-powerful force controlling everything. He doesn’t think there’s any kind of mystical energy field that controls his destiny.

Indy: He has literally witnessed firsthand there are supernatural forces with the ability to melt faces and grant eternal life. He doesn’t have to believe anything because he knows for a fact it’s real.

Verdict: “Never discuss religion with a stranger” never rang so true as it does with these two. Han dismissing Indy’s talk of hokey religions and ancient weapons would be very insulting. Things are testy right away. (Good thing for our favorite scruffy nerf herder his blaster would definitely prove no match for a whip or 1940s pistol if things got really heated.)

Politics

Han: After becoming disillusioned with the Empire, he turned to a life of crime, operating on the outskirts of society and its laws. Eventually his disregard for the rules of society led him to a much more meaningful path as he become a major player in the Rebellion.

Indy: Spent a lifetime standing up against an evil regimes to keep them from amassing more power, helping to keep the world safe. However his own government’s “top men” also showed him sometimes even his own side could fail him.

Verdict: The first breakthrough in the conversation comes when they talk about the evil fascists they are both fighting. Nothing brings strangers together like a toast to kicking some stormtrooper ass, but after being double-crossed so many times, Indy remains wary of a man he isn’t sure he can trust.

Snakes

Han: Accidentally flew into a giant space snake once, and then almost died falling into a terrible sort of sand snake on Tatooine.

Indy: Does not like snakes. Like, at all.

Verdict: This is a great bonding moment for them that gets ruined when Han snickers at the normal kind of Earth snakes described by Indy.

Use of Force

Han: Okay with shooting first.

Indy: Okay with shooting first.

Verdict: It’s a dangerous world/galaxy out there, and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. Game respects game.

Life Philosophy

Han: Never looks back and never thinks things through. He’s always in the moment doing what he wants without much consideration of the consequences or dangers.

Indy: Obsessed with the traditions of the past, but that often leads him to heading straight into dangerous situations without considering just how perilous things might get.

Verdict: This is where the real trouble starts, because both of them are headstrong Type A personalities but for different reasons, and the more they talk about life, the more they butt heads. It almost seems impossible they will ever get along, until things in the bar get ugly and someone else is threatened. Both of them get up to help the victim and fight back against the assailants, revealing they both share the same most important trait.

Moral Compass

Han: A good guy with a good heart who ultimately does the right thing to help others, even when it comes at great personal risk.

Indy: A good guy with a good heart who ultimately does the right thing to help others, even when it comes at great personal risk.

Final Verdict: Despite a rough start when first meeting, as well as their very different statures and outlooks on life, both Indiana Jones and Han Solo would realize they are far more alike than they are different (whomp whomp) when it mattered. Sure, Han might steal a priceless relic because it actually does have a price, and Indy would do everything possible to get it back from him, but ultimately when things go wrong they both do what’s right, a trait they would come to recognize in one another when called upon to stand up against some very bad guys.

So yes, for that reason Han Solo and Indiana Jones would get along. But they would both hate Rick Deckard. Nobody wants to drink with that dude.

Images: Lucasfilm/Paramount Pictures