Though we all like to think of ourselves as paragons of the good and pure, time after time and movie after movie are we reminded that we tend to prefer, and even better relate to, the villains of Disney’s animated universe. Now, don’t take this as an endorsement of puppy-skinning or brother-killing, but there are at least some cases in the Disney canon where you could make the argument at the bad guy at least had a point. And that’s precisely what one Dana Schwartz did in regard to Beauty and the Beast and its hirsute brute Gaston. And rest assured, she left no stone unturned in illustrating just how much better a choice France’s preeminent expectorator would have been for Belle than ol’ Beasty.
An important graph about Disney villains pic.twitter.com/YPf4WjsiFx
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 23, 2018
Okay, okay, here’s the full powerpoint I made about why Belle should have chosen Gaston: pic.twitter.com/7co8yYKYFc
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 23, 2018
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 23, 2018
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 23, 2018
FIN. pic.twitter.com/4hicVu0ZGx
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) December 23, 2018
Schwartz, a writer for Entertainment Weekly and the author of the recently published Choose Your Own Disaster, put together the above PowerPoint in the interest of expressing just how wrong Belle was to go the Beast route in lieu of hometown boy Gaston. Schwartz doesn’t merely settle for the simple but classic, “Just look at him! He’s roughly the size of a barge! A barge, people!” argument, instead presenting an exhaustive explanation of Gaston’s worth in the context of late 18th century France.
Take a gander at Schwartz’s work if you’re emotionally prepared to question your own loyalties to Prince Adam. It may be tough at first, but in the end, “Be our guest!” has nothing on “Viva la revolución!”
Image: Disney
