Riddle me this, turkey people: what do you get when you combine some vegetables, a raw bird, a very excitable dog, and a big ol’ axe? Just another Tuesday night at Patrick Bateman’s house? What you actually get is one hell of a Rube Goldberg machine that runs using majority dog power (dog horsepower?) that can cook a delicious Thanksgiving meal while simultaneously endangering the lives of your beloved pets.

The contraption shown in the above video was created by YouTuber and professional Rube Goldberg machine-builder Joseph Herscher, and manages to animate a Rube Goldberg machine that cuts vegetables, stuffs turkeys, exercises your dog, and turns your kitchen into a scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark all in one fell swoop.

At first, the video, part of Herscher’s “Joseph’s Machines” series, seems like a normal set-up for a little cooking demonstration, but things become a bit odd right around this part:

Herscher proceeds to use his dog to power the axe—quite effectively actually; the Queen of Shitty Robots may now have some analog competition—and then automatically cup-toss the chopped veggies into a big gaping bird hole.

Even though the Rube Goldberg machines that Herscher sets up throughout the making of the meal are quite impressive, the highlight of the video has to be when he stuffs a half pound of butter in between his dog’s butt and the dog’s bed in order to warm it. Which is totally fair, as we know that body heat works for a lot of things, like powering smart watches.

Even though the contraptions seem fairly dangerous for Matthew—Joseph’s dog—he doesn’t seem to be harmed at all, so all’s well that ends well. (Still, nobody should eat that turkey.)

What do you think about this Thankgiving Rube Goldberg machine? Would you ever try to make a meal like this, or are you happy to settle for a leftover-stuffed Moist Maker? Let us know in the comments below!

Images: Joseph’s Machines