The gooiest superhero movie in the land and the beginning of Sony’s new Spider-Man-less Marvel Universe, Venom, hits theaters today and it has left us with some seriously burning questions: What accent is Tom Hardy using anyway? What would a turd in the wind even look like? And what’s the best way to bite off a human head? Okay, that last one might sound weird, but it’s hardly the weirdest thing about the whole build-up to Venom. I mean, have you heard that Eminem tie-in rap? Future civilizations will find it amongst the rubble of our society one day, look to the stars, and wonder what it all meant.
But I digress. Since we didn’t want to try bath salts or anything like that, we figured asking the symbiotes themselves would be the safest bet to get our answers. In order to find out, we sent our ace reporter, Hector Navarro, to sit down with the stars of Venom, Tom Hardy and Riz Ahmed, and get the answers to this all-important question that has given us so many sleepless nights.
While there are no spoilers in this video, it may actually spoil your appetite, so if you were planning on watching this during your lunch break or over a nice dinner, then you may want to make like Eddie Brock on a motorcycle and fly on outta here until you’ve had at least thirty minutes to digest.
The most upsetting part of this entire video is the straight-faced intensity with which Tom Hardy considers exactly how he would feast upon a face buffet. Something tells me that this isn’t the first time he has contemplated this. On the bright side, the takeaway from this deeply silly question turned out to be simultaneously uplifting and deeply upsetting. It won’t stop me from eating my body weight in overpriced popcorn and candy when I see the movie this weekend, though, because I am a glutton for punishment…and snacks.
Venom is in theaters now. Read our review!
How would you answer this very important question? What cool codename would you give yourself if you bonded with a symbiote? Let me know in the comments below.
Images: Sony
