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Good News, Everyone! The 3 Best Futurama Inventions

My fellow Meatbags—

As you might already know, Futurama is returning to TV at the end of this month. I’m so excited about it, I thought I’d do a post this week on some fictional Futurama tech. Namely, the three Futurama gadgets I want the most. I have decided, for the kids, not to include this as one of them:

Mmmmm, crack. Instead, I’ll start with:

1.) Dr. FlimFlam’s Miracle Cream

With great power comes great responsibility. With all the idiots in the world, I feel that it is my responsibility to give them a good bitch-slap. Sadly, I lack any kind of powers. That’s why I want Dr. FlimFlam’s Miracle Cream. Though it’s prescribed for simple aches and pains, it has the side effect of causing superpowers in humans, including super-strength and lickety-speed, and the ability to command sea creatures (sometimes), as seen in “Less Than Hero”.

2.) Lucy Liubot

My reasons for this one should be pretty obvious, although I would probably go with a Marilyn Monroe-bot instead. It’s nothing against Lucy Liu, it’s just that the name works out better. Plus, with the vast library of celebrities at Kidnappster, I could download both Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag and have them fight to the death.

3.) Holophonor

I’m not an artist. My photoshop skills are middling at best, and I can’t draw worth a crap. As proof, here’s a drawing I did of me as Iron Man punching Glenn Beck in the face:

See? It’s frustrating to have all of these images in my head that I want to express, but completely lack the artistic talent to do so. That’s why I want a Holophonor.

The Holophonor showed up in two awesome episodes, one in which Fry gets a colony of worms that make him super-smart, and again in the first series finale, “The Devil’s Hands Are Idle Playthings”…easily one of the best (if not the best) episodes of the series. When played, the Holophonor emits a bagpipe/clarinet hybrid sound, and also creates holographic images from the musician’s thoughts. Admittedly, the Holophonor is kind of a shocking choice…there are so many awesome gadgets on Futurama that are probably much more useful that I could have put on this list. But how else am I going to show you the epic battle between the Space Dinosaurs and the army of David Bowie clones that I’m thinking about?

If you’re a Futurama fan, leave a comment with the Futurama invention you’d want, your favorite episode, or whom you’d like to punch in the face!

Images: Fox/Comedy Central

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  1. Rayonna says:

    You’ve hit the ball out the park! Incriebdel!

  2. Brizon says:

    I’d like to see torgos executive powder

  3. @Katie: that God quote is not only my favorite Futurama quotes, but possibly one of my favorite quotes ever. Good call!

  4. Katie says:

    I wish Kidnappster existed now. That would be pretty awesome.
    Only two days ’till Futurama! Huzzahs all around!

    Favorite quotes:
    “When you do things right, people won’t be sure you’ve done anything at all.”
    “I’ll never forget you Fry. MEMORY DELETED.” (Lucy Lui-bot)

  5. Amy Dubya says:

    I’m a vegetarian, but I’d like to try caffeinated bacon and baconated grapefruit.

  6. Lizzy says:

    I literally had a spaz attack of happy when I found out this show was coming back. I’d say though that the thing I want most is one of the Doomsday devices. And the finger-longer of course!

    “Hey, where’d my brain slug go?”
    “Tsk, tsk. Poor thing starved to death…”

  7. Ken says:

    I want a smelloscope, and a slowmobile.
    “I haven’t been this happy since double soup Tuesday at the orphanarium. Leela when I’m with you everyday is double soup Tuesday.”
    “Hi I’m ranger park the park ranger. I get it!”
    “AH its hot! The butter in my pocket is melting.”

  8. Jennifer says:

    Bender: “Bodies are for hookers and fat people!”

    I love Blurnsball. The look on Fry’s face when watching a game is priceless. Motorcycles, giant tarantulas, multiball…whats not to like?

    I’m so excited for the show returning
    skweeee =D

  9. Clark says:

    Zoidberg: “Gracias”

    DVD commentaries ftw

  10. Sarah Clark says:

    Oh man, there are SO many quotes I love…it’s one of my favorite shows.
    Here’s one from one of my favorite episodes, Put Your Head On My Shoulder

    “The luxurious seats are stuffed with eagle down and the dashboard inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles. Also, there are some eagles under the floorboards.”
    – “No dog food for Victor tonight!”

    And also when Fry and Amy are being towed, the driver sees the steamed up windows and thinks they are having sex and goes “yooooOOOoo!” and then sighs with disappointment when he sees they’re just playing cards.

  11. Greg says:

    So… nobody responding yet would be interested in a can of spray-on clothes? Think of the possibilities!

    Also, my most quotable character by far has to be Zap, far too many gems to pick a favorite… but it would be something along the flavor of:
    “I am the man with no name… Zap Brannigan!” or “She’s built like a steakhouse but she handles like a bistro.” Makes me chuckle just thinking about it…

  12. Renee says:

    Paradox-Free Time Travel Machine! Even though I don’t believe in time travel. Or time for that matter. Time is just another system of measurement that we use to keep our lives organized.

  13. Zombiesaurus says:

    the best episode ever is The Day the Earth Stood Stupid…mostly for this amazing moment.

    Fry: There, now he’s trapped in a book I wrote: a crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors!

    my roommates and i went as Fry, Leela, and Zapp Brannigan for halloween this year…so i’m beyond excited about new episodes.

  14. Richard says:

    What the world needs is spice weasels. Bam!

  15. Len says:

    Daniel, the first reference to something like a holophonor may be even earlier than Delany … I’m re-reading Asimov’s “Foundation and Empire”, and there’s a reference to something called a “visi-sonor” which plays directly to the optical centers of the brain.

    But I agree with you – the SF references on the show are terrific!

  16. Andy Neuenschwander says:

    “Scooty-Puff Juniors suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!”

    Jeremy, I’m going to change this post so that the third invention is Ultra Porn. We don’t even know technically what it is, but I want it.

  17. Brad Grenz says:

    I would want a Scooty-Puff Sr. The “Doom-Bringer” of personal space craft. With it, I could keep my enemies in line, to be sure!

  18. JeremyRD says:

    The one thing I would want more then anything from Futurama is for a Niblonian so I could make a Dark Matter Reactor. Also, to be able to do The Bender.

    The best episode ever was when they were reverse aging, “Now I need a fake ID to rent Ultra Porn.”

  19. Bo Dixen Pedersen says:

    The one thing I like about Futurama is all the very subtle science jokes – almost like an animated Far Side where sometimes you have to look things up to get it.

    I agree it isn’t world building in the traditional SF sense, but they have a loose concept they can put almost anything into – and it’s quite smart making story ideas almost infinite in possibilities.

    Maybe some characters aren’t as strong as Simpsons, but I like Futurama more especially because of the science stuff and the more varied settings.

  20. Andy Neuenschwander says:

    You have a point, Daniel. I think Futurama aims more for just straight satire, but putting it in the future allows for a parallel setting that makes it funnier. It’s definitely less sci-fi and world building and more mocking our current culture. Just look at all the heads in jars…they’re all just there for satire. Most of them don’t even make sense. How is Teddy Roosevelt’s head intact?

  21. Daniel says:

    Doh, somebody beat me to this with a more likely reference, but the holophonor might also have been inspired by Samuel Delany’s Nova and its “sensory syrynx” (which I think is played like a pipe). I love all the sci-fi references in Futurama – though I feel like there’s rarely any sf mindset behind the show, e.g. almost no interest in world building or working out nifty original ideas, compared even to Hitchhiker’s or Red Dwarf. But the nerd-service is pretty darn sweet. And I could go for bachelor chow right about now.

  22. sir jorge says:

    I can’t wait for new episodes, they are going to rule

  23. MAXimiliano says:

    Well jolly seeking missiles would be nice, especially around the holidays.

    Also, I don’t know about you guys but I hate having nothing to wear from the board room to the bedroom. So a pair of Lightspeed brand briefs would be great.

    Also, for anyone who wishes to make people stop questioning their sexuality there is only one word.


  24. First Timer says:

    I have never posted anything on the internet in my entire life, but I had to for this.

    The most quotable character is Zoidberg, by far! My personal favorite: “I build mansions, then live in them.”

    Awesome post!

  25. The Goog says:

    What do I want? A Bender please and thank you.

    Or maybe a hedonism-bot.

  26. anthony says:

    hedonism bot yes!
    “Jambi! The chocolate icing!”

    maybe writing futurama movies is different than writing episodes. like editing out the crappy parts? or they had different writers? too lazy to imdb it.

  27. JOJO says:

    Nice article Andy. I have some information about the Holophoner. The device was inspired* by Issac Asimov’s Visi-Sonor which was introduced in the Foundation Series.
    * Inspired as in: Someimes I am inspired to download free music rather than buy it.

  28. Andy Neuenschwander says:

    I’ve seen some of the commercials, and they’ve made me laugh, so I have faith that they won’t suck. Besides, the movies turned out pretty well (besides maybe Beast With A Billion Backs…wtf was that?) and brought us gems such as “Whaddya got there…numbers?”

    Jessica, I’d double-check to make sure but I believe there’s a one-hour premiere on Thursday, June 24th. Yep, that must be right, my sprunger is acting up.

  29. Laurie Scott says:

    Am I the only one who begs Santa every year for a Hedonismbot? Or the pneumatic tube transport system from New New York. Both would be fine, and would probably rocket me to dangerous levels of torpor. Hooray!

    ** This comment ordered by the Hypnotoad. All hail the Hypnotoad! **

  30. Best. Post. Ever. When does it actually start back up? (Also, I agree with one of the above commenters, I really fear that it might suck… but I bet it won’t!)

  31. Brandon says:

    I am most excited about the “Attack of the Killer App” episode. Plot: The episode will feature what ends up of iPod and Twitter in the future. Mom is to control Twitter.

    Hopefully this turn out as well as the South Park episode about Facebook and confronts the hard-hitting issues our fragile minds are exposed to with social media. A Tron reference would score huge points as … OBEY THE HYPNOTOAD!

  32. Andy Neuenschwander says:

    Beats me, Anthony…it’s probably just Wikipedia not having all the information because it’s Wikipedia.

  33. anthony says:

    unscheduled episodes? does that mean that comedy central is playing 7, if it goes well we get to see the next 5? or does it mean that it’ll show up at 2 in the afternoon, unlabeled, sandwiched between comedy central presents from 1991?

  34. Andy Neuenschwander says:

    Hey, I’m just flattered that Brandon would assume my writing to be that of an actual comedian. Thanks Brandon!

    From the comments, I’m realizing that most of the best quotes come from the Brain Spawn…personally, my favorite is:

    “What killed the dinosaurs?”

    edit: Brandon, according to Wikipedia, there are 7 scheduled episodes and 5 unscheduled.

  35. Brandon says:

    Where is Andy in this discussion? Just letting Chris take all the credit for his hard work. Show yourself dammit! Just kidding, Andy’s alright with me for bringing up such a vital subject.

    And for discussion sake, (I’m sure it’s “googlable”) is there any word how many new episodes we can expect to see? And to make it relative, what type of inventions would we like to see come to life in the next season(s)?

  36. John says:

    I knew it would take something special to suck me into the comments – something like a post that’s built like a steakhouse, but handles like a biestro…a post written by the man with no name, Andy Neuenschwander…a post that contains a box that contains it’s own universe…a post that is inlaid with the beaks of a thousand eagles…a post facing charges of child cruelty, child endangerment, depriving children of food, selling children as food and misrepresenting the weight of livestock …
    I am the greetest – now I am leaving Nerdist for no raisen.

  37. Anthony says:

    i just want some lukewarm bachelor chow and a thick can of slurm.
    is anyone else worried that futurama might suck when it returns? i wasn’t a huge fan of the movies, except for bender’s big score.

  38. Chris Hardwick says:

    Brandon, I’ve thought about it and this is such a great post that I probably should have just taken credit for it.

    I’m sorry I embarrassed you in front of company.

  39. Jonah says:

    And when is someone going to get around to inventing the Angry Dome?

  40. Brandon says:

    I will be the first to admit it and I even looked at the author but didn’t process it. I shall now cry out to Pazuzu and hope he rescues me from my crap-tastic mistake. Great article Andy, I appreciate the work you do and your artistic skills continue to impress me. Chris, you embarrassed me in-front of 5 other stellar people on this post, i’m hurt.

    -Favorite Futurama Quote: “I AM A GIGANTIC BRAIN!”

  41. I’d like a Summer Glau-bot, please. It’d be like a real Terminator.

  42. Chris says:

    First Im glad I am not the only person who has thought of Ziggy Stardust vs Things other than Spider Creatures. Second, how can your list not include the Fing-longer or the What If? Machine? Both are amazine inventions! I think my favorite is the Fing-longer. Somone should make those. A glove with a really long carbon fiber index finger.

  43. Chris Hardwick says:

    Heya Brandon! While I support these choices, Andy wrote this post. I know this because I don’t remember writing it and also it has Andy’s name as the author under the post title.

    Psyched for the return!

  44. John says:

    Suicide Booth! The world would suddenly be rid of most of the emo and goth population.

  45. Dave says:

    No one wants the Planet Express ship? Best invention ever!

  46. Brandon says:

    While Chris’ top 3 are arguably the best available, I have a quick additional 3/4 to help support how amazing Futurama really is…

    Micro-Droid Machine – The machine that turns everyone tiny, “Magic School Bus style,” before the enter fry to battle the worms.

    Cool-O-Meter – This device detects the level of “cool” of any given person as measured in “megafonzies.” oh, yeah!

    And then it’s a tie between “Pointy Rock Tied to a Stick” and “Albino Shouting Gorillas” – Both self-explanatory I hope.

  47. Robobigfoot says:

    Of course I want a What-if Machine to see what life would be like if I invented the Fing-longer.