Ok, first off. Not really. Take it easy, internet. Stephen Colbert is the original fan of Star Wars so he wouldn’t go an actually spoil anything but–with the excitement surrounding Star Wars: The Last Jedi—who can blame him for having a little fun on the mystery of Rey’s parentage.

Well, there you have it. Rey’s parents are Diane and Gerald, who seem to hail from the icy Hoth-like territory known as the Midwestern United States. It turns out they abandoned our beloved Rey on Jakku in order to make room for a sewing room for Diane. Thankfully, we know Rey’s better off having already had better adventures and ended up with a considerably better accent than her dern-tootin’ baby-abandonin’ parents, dontchaknow!

And the Star Wars fun didn’t end with the cold open for the show since Adam Driver appeared as a guest later in the episode and offered yet another answer about Rey’s origins.

Well, there you have it. Rey’s parents are actually just Stephen Colbert… somehow. Asked and answered. No need for any follow-up questions or explanations. Really, it’s in the new film. Trust us.

We know it’s a lot to process and it’s already been a whirlwind week of Colbert bringing Star Wars revelations to light. Mark Hamill also dropped by The Late Show to debut a “missing” Cantina scene from the original film that we hope, beyond anything in the galaxy, gets included in future cuts of Episode IV.

What do you think of this news on Rey’s parents? How unreasonably angry are the comments from people who didn’t read this article? Let’s discuss in the comments below!

Image: Star Wars | Disney

Here Are Some Links; Go Read About a Star War!

• The Star Wars Holiday Special finally gets explained.
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• Hear The Last Jedi‘s score.