FAT POSITIVITY! WEIGHTY MYTHS! PORK CHOP EYES! Author and historian Hanne Blank talks pleasure at any size. Then Sandra interviews a big ‘n’ tall straight bear with self-confidence to match. Topics: Panda Three-Way, Porn, Public vs Private Desires, Topology, Fat Jokes, Limp Starfish, Helen Mirren, Medical Issues, Sex Positions, Reclaiming “Fat,” Sandra’s Shame Moment and Expanding Attraction.
“There is no wrong way to have a body!”
Visit HanneBlank.com and follow @hanneblank on Twitter!
Follow @DaveToTheRoss and @SexNerdSandra on Twitter!
And visit Sex Nerd Sandra’s website for more sexy nerdiness!
Special thanks to Carvin for supplying us with the equipment we need to record this podcast! Check out Carvin.com for more information on recording equipment, guitars, amps and more!
The thing is while there’s this huge population of “body positive” people who seem to only exist on the internet and in feminist literature, the rest of us fat people have to live in the real world. And in the real world, nobody wants to have sex with us.
Blame it on attitude if you want, but to do so is to argue that fat people in general are stupid and are unable to pick up on the very basic social cue that is “nobody even takes a second glance at you.”
I’ve just discovered your podcast and I’m happily chewing through the archives! I’m so glad that you are body positive, and I was so excited to hear Hanne Blank – she’s one of my heroes!
Can I just say, though, that Sandra’s discomfort with the word ‘fat’, and general tentativeness about putting some things into words ended up making ME really uncomfortable. I self-identify with fat, and it’s no big deal. I’m fat. It’s a fact. I’m still sexy and beautiful and feminine and a good person and all those things. I get why you would be cautious – fat’s often falsely portrayed as a moral issue, and calling someone ‘fat’ can be code for ‘worthless’ or ‘gross’ or ‘lazy’, etc. But it doesn’t have to be. I’ve certainly been called ‘curvy’ with more vitriol – and hurt to me – than in the plain old word ‘fat’. By the end of the podcast I felt a bit like Sandra was guiltily whispering it as if it were the worst deviation she could imagine. I’m 100% positive that this was all well meaning, but I felt really sad afterwards. I know you said you would work on reclaiming the word – I hope you have!
Thanks for an excellent podcast. 🙂
While I am glad this episode aired, as someone who has struggled with weight since her earliest memories of life, I found that it still didn’t address some of the other elephants in the room. For example, the internal struggle that I go through every time I hear about the importance of “accepting your body,” yet knowing on the flip side that if I truly want to live a healthy life (sexiness aside), I need to drop a couple hundred pounds. So how can I feel sexy if I also know that I’m clinically unhealthy and at risk for all sorts of health complications?
Also, how did the fetish term “FA” not come up in this podcast? It’s out there, and in my opinion, it puts fat people into some sort of “novelty sex” category. Is there a term for “person who likes average-sized guys of average height with dark hair and a 5-o’clock shadow”? No. Because those people are just “normal.”
Also, it was interesting how Sandra said that being with a big guy can make her feel “small and feminine,” as though being small was a qualification for being feminine. Yes, she did admit that she still struggled with being fat-positive, but it’s slips of the tongue like that which prove that even the most accepting and open-minded people still have certain ideas of how bodies should look. Oh Sandra, I wish you could spend just one day in my body, and I one day in yours!
These last two podcast really hit home with me. I think I am finally getting comfortable in my own skin, since I am losing weight at work since I have a physical job. I feel like I have all the pieces I need to just find the last piece. I just felt a lack of motivation when I was in high school. Like I wasted time back when I was skinny.
“Hungry people don’t fuck” is my new happy phrase. I love it. I also loved “There is no wrong way to have a body.” This was definitely an episode that I needed to hear. Thanks for the awesome content. I’m going to go back and listen to more.
I LOVED this episode! As a larger woman who has been struggling in the dating scene it is nice to finally hear someone who is so positive about alternative body shapes. So often we are told that it is not ok to be a sexual person if you are not the porn ideal. I run into that a lot. That is just not true. Male or female, it is just important to own your sexuality no matter the size or shape.
Thank you for discussing this topic.
As a fat man, those are some of the concerns I have. Glad y’all are fat positive. It’s great hearing some of the affirmation that big is beautiful for men too. I think some big women are beautiful, but I’ve always been insecure because of the lack of a six pack and one chin. Definitely one of the best episodes so far. Keep up the good work! (You and Dave should definitely experiment at some point! I’m just sayin…^_^)
I’m totally on board with virginity loss as a communal right of passage. A few years ago I was actually thinking about starting an obviously non-profit community organization dedicated to providing virgins with awesome first times where they’d feel comfortable and learn what they needed and wanted to know, as a sort of “pay it forward” gift of great sex for future generations. I was thinking we’d be called the Piece Corps.