We’ll sing you a song of a lass that is bold, sassenachs, but know it’ll be partly in French and chockablock with spoilers! Meaning: if you haven’t seen the latest episode of Outlander, turn away from this post now or you’ll see the future before you’d like! Also: please note there are some NSFW GIFs in the post below.
When the Scots are away they are certain to play—especially in a city as debaucherous as Paris. In the second episode of Outlander‘s sophomore season, some more major players were revealed, an old so-and-so returned, and a shocking revelation about a character so many thought was dead turned our stomachs. France is more fun than a monkey in a cage!
And it’s also super sexy. How sexy? THIS SEXY:
That, my friends, is not just an exquisite set of 1740s-era Parisian dildos, that man in a stupendous shade of burnt orange applauding their arrival just so happens to be our Bonny Prince Charles—a.k.a. the “rightful heir to the British throne” and de-facto leader of the Jacobite Rebellion. And let me tell you, folks, this man is a trip! Should the Jacobite Rebellion support his cause? Absolutely not: Jamie and Murtagh both realized this fairly quickly. Besides, the man’s never even been to Scotland. Hello!
But for some reason our fair Charles has found a fondness for Jamie’s bluntness and non-sycophantic ways, so he’s desirous to trust him—even if he doesn’t like what Jamie has to say. But Jamie and Murtagh hold their ground, more sure after meeting the brash and emotional lad, that he’s not the man for their cause back home. Hey, at least this makes things easier when it comes to feeling comfortable with the idea of trying to stop the Rebellion itself.
And it’s a plot that’ll require money—something Claire and Jamie must try and stop from coming Charles’ way. Enter: your other new favorite character, Louise de la Tour, and her tiny monkey pet. (Literally, I am so obsessed with her.) A new friend of Claire’s since their arrival in Paris, Louise is fucking amazing: carefree, sexual, sassy, unburdened, and clearly ahead of the game on the moundkeeping front (sorry we just said that, but also NOT). Her introduction to the series was pitch-perfect: all spread eagle and hilariously non-plussed as she slapped around the man waxing her legs and bikini line. She also introduced us to Mary Hawkins, a woman who some of you may remember goes on to marry a member of Frank Randall’s ancestry. (Trippy!)
No surprise, Louise was the one who made it possible for Jamie and Claire to travel to Versailles and have facetime with both King Louis and the man holding the country’s purse strings, the very, very randy Mr. Duvernay. It was Mr. Duvernay, by the way, on whom Jamie forced quite the splash.
This whole episode was filled with slapstick silliness and general goofy funnies. From the dildos, to the swordfighting, to Jamie’s reaction THE RED DRESS (which: dat dress tho), the king taking a shit in front of a crowd (which is apparently an honor to witness?), and Jamie’s encounter with his ex-girlfriend Annaliese …literally everything made me laugh. (I mean LOL, you guys—Claire’s face when Annaliese appeared was priceless.) And we’d be remiss if we didn’t point out the moment Jamie discovered Claire also had herself a hair treatment—mainly the part where he called it a honeypot. HONEYPOT. Ladies and gentlemen: honey.pot. Dear Starz, thank you for this gift. And we really lost it when Claire asked him her thoughts and all he could muster was, “It’s more complicated than it looks thatched over.”
Oh, and please, let us have a moment for Murtagh seeing King Louis’ lady’s incredibly understated and conservative dress:
And then there’s the elephant in the well-appointed room: Black Jack Randall is alive. And his brother, Alexander, is that low-down dirty Duke of Sandringham’s new assistant. DID YOU SEE THAT SHADE HE THREW AT CLAIRE UPON LEAVING? Damn Daniel! Now, whether or not Black Jack being alive is a good or bad thing when it comes to Jamie’s PTSD during his sexytimes with Claire, but it’s also shocking. Like, how does someone survive a cattle stampede like that?! What sort of deal with the Devil did Black Jack make you guys?
We also met Master Raymond at his apothecary. The MAHDUNNA-loving (we’re so obsessed with the way he says it) may be a kinda/sorta frenemy of the Comte St. Germain with a penchant for snake oil-trickery. I don’t trust this fucker, but at least he seems to respect Claire—for now. Enough to give her some legitimate sleeping meds at least. Something tells us Claire should stay very wary of him, he seems like a real Duke of Sandringham part deux.
But what did you think of Saturday’s new episode? Let us know in the comments below.
But before you comment, watch Sam and Cait and Ron and Diana explain what part of the future they’d change from SDCC:
Image Credit: Starz
Alicia Lutes is the Managing Editor of Nerdist and co-host of the unofficial Outlander podcast, Outlandish. Find her on Twitter, too, if that’s your bag (@alicialutes).
