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ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK Recap: I Wanda, Wanda, Wanda

There’s a moment in everyone’s life, sometimes you see it as it happens, other times you don’t until hindsight: the change. That moment, that impetus, where after it’s come and gone, nothing is the same. The penultimate episode of Orange is The New Black was exactly that: the winds are whipping, the storm is churning and there ain’t no going back now, y’all.

You know what, though? I think a change would do some good. It’s time to parlay.

The wrath of Wanda has reared its ugly head and thrown Litchfield into utter chaos — all the inmates are sequestered to the cafeteria and break room while the rest of the prison floods, the plumbing and electricity all gone out. So the women must, effectively, fend for themselves. Not that it’s anything new for them: they’ve been doing that their whole lives. Often that’s what’s gotten them into this mess in the first place.

After the Golden Girl’s stabbing scheme went awry, Red and Vee were on the warpath, and they each have different ways of doing it. These are two women who both know how to handle change: the only difference being their methods.

Vee’s a scorch the earth type of gal, taking out whom and whatever necessary to get what she wants. She lulls you into a false sense of security — just as she did with RJ in the flashbacks — before: WHACK. But Red’s is a much more intelligent manner: preferring scheming and plotting to outright rage and aggression. Hers is a multi-headed beast thanks to the love and support of her family (well, most of her family). Vee’s is a method of convenience — she’ll cut you if it’ll cut corners. It’s why she had RJ shot by the dirty cop for encroaching on her territory after literally fucking him, and why Taystee ended up out on the proverbial streets — and (hopefully) back into the friendship-y arms of Poussey.

Because it’s like Watson said: “Somebody’ll always fuck you in the end.” That’s a slogan Vee believes in if ever we’ve heard one.


But sometimes people will surprise you with just how open they can be. Healy’s Safe Place may be anything but, but his friendship with Pennsatucky has opened her eyes up to a whole new world: one where women are in power — and in her understanding it’s being led by The Gay Agenda. This, of course, destroys ol’ man Healy (who’s favorite book is, of course, “The End of Men”) who figured a pat on the head and a cookie should be enough to satisfy any woman because he’s providing for them (“You should think about that before you have ideas”). She’s decided, since having men in power has given her nothing but trouble, that maybe she could learn a lesson from Big Boo, and off the duo go on the unlikeliest of friendships. Healy, of course, thinking Pennsatucky was a kindred soul, was gutted by their newfound alliance. And in a lot of ways, she is his mental equal, but she can see the forest for the trees and after being bullied by those who were her “friends,” she’s interested in seeing life from another angle.

Because while Healy’s only mission is to keep things copacetic, uncaring if the quality disintegrates in the process, these women are in it, experiencing it, and know that it’s just not okay. Rock, meet bottom. So of course, being the creative problem-solvers that they are, women like Pennsatucky and the rest of the inmates try to find a new way to make their world work for them. Be it cuddling up to The Gay Agenda, hosting a Soso-singalong, or eating a tub of nutmeg: these women truly make it work for them.

It’s all about making a change, you see.

Odds and Ends:
– WILL RED BE OK? I need to know. I have to know. I am hyperventilating.
– Vee is truly the worst.
– Sometimes I forget that I have to include Piper at all in these recaps — the other characters are just so much more interesting, aren’t they?
– Speaking of our lady of Chapman, she got caught by Caputo stealing files from Fig’s office: he’s going to be on her side in this and take Fig down, right?
– I had no idea getting high on nutmeg is a thing and I’m from Connecticut, the Nutmeg State.
– I feel so much shame.
– “Vision is a basic requirement. It’s like, step one, pick a person to kill; step two, kill THAT person.” I love you Red.
– Daya and Bennett’s baby is real now — and apparently so is her need for him to confess.
– Considering the dynamics that have been pre-established on the show it literally would not surprise me if he ended up getting off scot-free for this, right?
– Red’s headbutt — didn’t know you had it in ya, girl!

If you want to check out our other recaps for the season, click here!

Are you caught up on this episode of OITNB? Tell us what you thought about it in the comments (or on Twitter)!

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