When I was freshman in high school, I did not have a date for my winter formal. This was largely because — and this is a still a major characteristic I exhibit today — I am not cool. It was fine, though, because me and a few dateless friends pre-gamed super hard with pizza and Nintendo 64 until my buddy’s mom drove us to the dance. We were in the car, prepping to talk to all the girls we weren’t going to talk to, when our friend’s mom spoke up: “Have fun tonight, but whatever happens, DON’T DO THE BACON!”

Okay, what? I still have no idea what that means or how that was supposed to be a helpful admonishment. Here is my guess: You lie belly-down on the floor and as the beat of a song slowly begins to build you start to “sizzle” and sort of have ataxia on the ground, like this.

All right, nerds, after you click play on this ultra sexy mega jam from some of the most prominent new and vintage names in funky booty-bumpin’ music, I implore you, do the bacon. Listen to Sam Smith’s beautiful voice, and do the bacon.

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