You know Michael Madsen, generally, as an actor in seriously dark and messed-up movies, often playing psychopaths so believably that you never quite know how much of the tough-guy stuff is an act. And in interviews, as himself, he certainly comes across as a guy who’s been through some stuff. Which is why he wants to tell you, on this Mother’s Day, that there’s someone in your life who’s way more hardcore than he is.

YOUR MOM. (Is this the first time that phrase has been both a punchline and a compliment?)

But you don’t have to take his word for it: Madsen has found some actual moms to give testimony about what their pregnancies were like. And if you think his Reservoir Dogs victim had it bad getting an ear sliced off, wait till you hear about where the scalpel goes during certain problematic birth procedures. Madsen invites men to consider what it would feel like trying to pass a human skull through our, uh, member, and concludes by deciding that babies should be renamed “skullsh**ters” because they’re basically a skull that, well…passes food through fairly quickly. He’s kind of obsessed with skulls, now that we think about it.

The video is definitely NSFW, and probably not appropriate for mom to hear. So watch it before you go visit or call her, and start figuring out some nicer ways to turn Madsen’s f***in’ words of praise into more gentle compliments.

Did Mr. Madsen give you a whole new appreciation for motherhood? Spawn some comments below and tell us!

Image: Funny or Die