Fact: there has never been a greater headline than the one attached to this story. Because it is equal parts nonsensical and exciting, and features a heck of a lot of Channing Tatum gettin’ all sorts of handsy with his best guy friends. The only way to improve on this would be the use of the phrase “a blitzkrieg of balls” which is a thing I just typed so, y’know #realtalk.

Anywho, if you’re a fan of watching Channing Tatum gently graze D’s (nuts?), then this rap video/curious extra from 22 Jump Street here — the song called “The Dick Graze” — is surely the tune for you. And as a bonus, the whole thing even includes a bit of boob action for the gals via his co-star, the particularly hilarious Jillian Bell. Naturally, this female iteration is called the tit graze. Because honestly what else would you want it to be called? The Boobtroduction? BOR-ING!

We hope that Tatum understands the seriousness of what he’s done here: by creating something so jokingly invasive, he’s now invited a whole slew of creepy strangers to try and get in on the d-grabbing action. “It’s just a way to say hello!” the parade of ill-advised bros will say as they try and cop a feel. Just wear a cup, is what we’re saying, if you want to have any shred of private space left, basically.

Would you ever attempt a Tatum dick graze, dudes? Let us know in the comments. Remember, the best kind of dick/tit grazes are the consensual kind!!