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Kiala At E3: “I Am At E3. It Is Making So Many ‘Splodey Noises.”

Hey Nerds! Intrepid Internet IRL reporter Kiala here with your daily dose of E3 news!

The past 24 hours have been a beautiful blur of Ghost Recon demos, free Ninja Gaidin Mai Tais, and for reals celebrity sightings. (Steven Spielberg! JJ Abrams! That one guy on that one show about pretty geeks that rhymes with Shuck!) My E3 experience thus far has been awkward, exciting, exhausting and maybe a little gassy. Anyway, E3 – let me show you it.

For those of you who’ve never been, E3 is like a mash up of Disneyland, Comic-Con, and a luxury car lot. The ratio of schlubby male nerds to schlubby female nerds is 1:0 and it’s real, real loud in there. But oh, you guys – the games were SO SWOONY. I played a few of the new Kinect demos at an XBox la-di-da fancy party which was super fun; Dance Central 2 (two dancers at once!), Ghost Recon (you shoot with a jazz hand motion which is either really awesome if you are me or really embarrassing if you are anyone else), and Star Wars. I loved all of them, but I really enjoyed lifting transports with the Force. I had heard Microsoft and LucasArts designed the movements of the game to make you look totally bad ass while wielding your saber rather than looking like Mr. Furley judo-chopping at Jack and Chrissy, and, oh, boy, did they ever deliver. I felt like a goddamn space druid. It was outstanding.

Other highlights from Tuesday included watching Hulk Hogan sweat his way through many photo ops and standing in line for an hour at the ONLY STARBUCKS at the convention center in front of two industry-type dudes complaining about the “fat” booth babe they had hired. I would like to mind-wipe that forever, now, please.

Today is all about playing with the new Wii U and harvesting enough Adam from all the little girls* at E3 to bribe the Bioshock Infinite people into giving me the game now rather than 2092 or whenever it’s coming out.

Here’s a quick list of links to some of the most important press announcements which came out in the last two days. I’ll be back tomorrow with pictures, video and more swoony gamestuffs for you all.

Wiiiiiiii Uuuuu is the sound of the internet splooging
Newsarama live blogs the Ubisoft press conference and it is not boring!
Destructoid Mass Effect 3: Geth Death

*There are no little girls at E3 and this makes me sad.

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  1. commonperson says:

    The sad thing is in all liklihood the “fat” girl they hired was probably stunning. I don’t get how people can be like that. I’m not “Fat Pride” kind of person (I’m fat my self though) but at the same token just let people be. You have stronger will power then, I’d probably have kicked them in the pants.

  2. Katie Mezzenga says:

    @Kiala! I’ll start growing my hair out for maximum braid potential!

  3. Kiala Kazebee says:

    @Katie! Yes! We will braid each others hair and play Dance Central and Bioshock til we puke!

  4. Katie Mezzenga says:

    You are hilarious. Can we become best frans so I can go with you to E3 next year? I thoroughly enjoy jazz hand motions and space druidism.

  5. erong says:

    Hey Kiala, likely, the girls you are seeking are hiding somewhere in Square or Nintendo’s booth.

    Alas, I am not there. E3 is, therefore, moderately sadder. Ok, maybe it’s just me. =(

  6. Please to talk more about Mr. Furley, as it’s the only thing in this post that I understood.

    Not A. Gamer

  7. three toes of fury says: