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In Russia, Book Casts Movie Version For You


That image you see above isn’t a Russian poster for one of Mark Wahlberg’s movies. (Though it would be kind of funny if it were for the Planet of the Apes reboot, where he does play an astronaut, and yet didn’t feature any apes at all.) No, this is a book cover. A book by Vadim Polishchuk called Return of the Republicans, apparently. (Yeah, I’m even more confused now.)

Welcome to Shameless Russian Covers. Here is their brief but pointed description: “Sometimes Russian book covers are not just bad, sometimes they inexplicably have popular actors and characters on them. This is their story.” I’ve become pretty unabashedly addicted to Tumblr, even though I don’t have one of my own and don’t really feel the need to. (I maintain one for work.) Easily my favorite Tumblr pages are pop-culture spoofs like the brilliant Fake Criterions, or the sort of found item collections exactly like this that keep you coming back for more. Which is why I really hope that Shameless Russian Covers — which appears to have just gone up yesterday en masse with about a dozen entries all at once — isn’t just a fluke and they continue to add to it. Because this shit is BANANAS. Observe…

Here’s Ryan Reynolds in his entire Deadpool getup from that prequel, doing… I’m not sure what. Having an out of body experience?:


And this is hardly limited to major box-office stars; a lot of the guys they are appropriating for their heroic poses are genre TV, fandom-beloved leading men – you know, the kind of guys the nerdverse actually want to headline their ripping yarns more often. AWESOME.

Look, it’s a very pensive looking Nathan Fillion (presumably on a train speeding towards some action?):


And an equally pensive Jamie Bamber, wearing some kind of shit-hot space gauntlet:


And a camo-clad Jensen Ackles, who is in “the shit” (which some might find hot):

And John Barrowman, who is now apparently Russia’s answer to James Bond. Nice epaulets.:

Oh, and just to keep us on our toes, they are not beyond dipping into the realm of classic cinema for their heroes, either. Here’s French film icon Jean-Paul Belmondo in a jaunty beret, and he seems find it hilarious that he’s being fired upon from only a few feet away:

Please, whoever is running this Tumblr… MORE. And often. This is better than lazy mash-up Chinese DVD covers. (If not quite as inventive as Polish cinema posters. That Weekend at Bernie’s one gives me nightmares. For more than the usual reasons.)

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  1. Chris Lites says:

    There is talk of wahlberg playing Case in Neuromancer. That feels like a Yakov move to me.

  2. Do any of the celebrities know about these? I’d hope not so you could just spring them on them randomly.

  3. BOLO4Hagatha says:

    Where can I buy the Jensen Ackles book? I would love to have him sign it at the next Supernatural Convention.

  4. Morghan says:

    The one I find truly disturbing is the cloned Leo. One is more than enough.

  5. Tim Rhodes says:

    Hahaha! YES! My wife and I lived in Russia for a couple years, and we LOVED going to the bookstores for exactly this reason. There were tons and tons of awful yet hilarious book covers.

  6. Jake Hauskins says:

    wow, this is awesome, i just wish i could read russian.