When a member of the criminal underworld needs some serious TLC, they turn to the Hotel Artemis—a special place where, if they can follow the rules, they can get treated by experienced professionals who know the importance of anonymity. But what about those who need their imaginary wounds cared for? The kind suffered out on the pretend battlefield where foam axes meet plastic swords? Where can those “warriors” turn when they have been grievously “injured”? Uh, apparently they can come here to the Nerdist office, where Onyx the Fortuitous is running his own hospital for LARPers.

We probably should have expected something like this when we officially brought on Onyx, a.k.a. That Weird Satanist Guy, as an intern. But even for him, running his own secret Hotel Artemis for the LARPing community is strange. Less strange is how easily the rest of Team Nerdist was willing to get involved in the fight to protect the hospital from the most vile LARPers around. And in the not-strange-at-all category is how everyone here carries around their own fake weapon at all times.

Uh, that “dog” is actually fine. Totally fine. As far as you know.

So feel free, if you take a pretend knife in the heart, to visit Mark…err, Onyx’s secret treatment center for creative types. That’s right, we’re keeping it open. That big guy in in the blue scrubs is really great at keeping everyone around here in line.

Hotel Artemis, starring Jodie Foster, Sterling K. Brown, Dave Bautista, Jeff Goldblum, Charlie Day, Jenny Slate, Zachary Quinto, and Sofia Boutella, and written and directed by Iron Man 3 and Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation screenwriter Drew Pearce, comes out June 8.

Special thanks to Hotel Artemis for sponsoring this video.

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