Jimmy Fallon’s history of fascination with tween girls and what they do, how they talk, and the way they think has been a long-documented phenomenon on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. So much so that the host decided to recruit the likes of Wil.i.am (you know, from every tween girls’ favorite and totally not-at-all ew band, the Black Eyed Peas?) to write a song about it. Because of course he did.

And there are, really, so many things that could be said about this video. Like, so many. The mind reels, in fact. But we don’t want to inject too much of our own personal opinion into something that is clearly nothing more than a sociological exposition with a kicky back beat. So without further ado, here’s everything that tween girls find so, like, totally, like, ew and like, stuff:

– Butts
– Sluts
– Girls who are basically basic
– Sally being mad at Iggy
– Iggy’s booty (which is more biggie)
– Sally’s twiggy booty
– Sally’s impliggies (implants) …for her butt
– Silicon butts in general
– That outfit
– Ratchet girls
– That other dress (right? RIGHT?! Ew! Ew!)
– The way she takes pics
– Those duck lips
– That lame girl
– Things that are super-lame
– Things that are embarrassing
– Slow-dancing with boys
– Annoying stuff
– Facetime
– Reclining in airplane seats
– Vine-ing
– Retweeting tweets
– (She’s not lying)
– Rhyming (it’s annoying)
– Bread bowls
– Ravioli
– Casserole
– Roly-poly
– Caterpillars
– Really old and moldy window sills
– When those last two things are combined (double ew)
– Trapper Keepers
– Other creepers
– Wearing sneakers
– …with the tails
– The movie Frozen
– Building snowmen
– Haters
– …Particularly ones that hate
– Her step dad Gary
– When Gary ruins “it”
– When Gary says “It’s a party over here; it’s a party over here”

Jimmy Fallon: the Jane Goodall of tween girls.

So — how ew is this running sketch? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.