Two down, two to go – the next pre-E3 press conference of the day is Ubisoft. While they almost certainly have a smaller slate than comparative megaliths like EA and Microsoft, we’re looking forward to more tidbits on Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag, Watch Dogs, and Rayman Legends. Tune in and watch the live broadcast along with us below and stay tuned for live updates.

3:04 PM – So far, it’s just totally rad polka-dotted guitars. We’re having issues buffering. Anyone else?

3:06 PM – Wait, how did we not know that Aisha Tyler was hosting? This is the best thing that’s happened all day.

3:07 PM – Don’t tell the Internet there aren’t stupid questions. There are so many.

3:08 PM – Off-topic, but how great would an Archer game from Telltale be?

3:09 PM – First up: Splinter Cell Blacklist, marking Sam Fisher’s return to the wild world of steealth actioners.

3:11 PM – So far, it sounds like they’re spewing a bunch of action film jargon. A group of terrorists calling themselves “The Engineers” are attempting to unleash the Blacklist, which we presume isn’t the popular list of Hollywood’s favorite unproduced scripts.

3:12 PM – Yes, the popular Spies vs. Mercs multiplayer mode is back. Along with Left 4 Dead 2‘s “Versus” mode, it’s one of my favorite multiplayer modes.

3:13 PM – “Nothing more fun than a giant black lady screaming at you…especially in bed.” Is this DLC, Aisha?

3:14 PM – Hold on to your Rabbids; it’s Rayman Legends time. The cartoony platformer is back and looks terrific with next-gen visuals.

3:15 PM – We’re plenty excited for the Ratchet & Clank film, but why isn’t there an animated Rayman feature?

3:15 PM – The game comes out September 3rd.

3:16 PM – With over 120 levels, it’s the biggest Rayman yet. “Rayman has always been that one game that makes you say, ‘Just one more level…and then I’ll take my kid to the emergency room.”

3:17 PM – The Mighty Quest for Epic Loot, a free-to-play game that teaches you “how to thrive in a capitalist society.” Takes place in the world of Opulencia. It’s all about “stealing from your neighbor and protecting your pile of loot.”

3:19 PM – Mighty Quest has a great sense of humor; very similar sensibilities to Pixar/Dreamworks films. This behind-the-scenes featurette makes it seem like Dungeon Keeper.

3:21 PM – After the untimely demise of THQ, South Park: The Stick of Truth has been rescued by Ubisoft, which is pretty awesome.

3:22 PM – Stick of Truth comes out this holiday season and remember: “Never ever fart on somebody’s balls.”

3:23 PM – Ubisoft CEO/co-founder Yves Guillemot takes the stage. He’s a baby compared to Aisha.

3:24 PM – The Crew trailer starts off in a garage with four tires rolling into place, almost Rube Golberg machine or Chronicle-style. Please tell me these are in-game graphics because they’re gorgeous – almost moreso than Forza.

3:26 PM – Is it an FCC regulation that racing game trailers need to have slow motion drifting?

3:28 PM – “A new generation of driving games calls for a new generation of technology.” – Julian Gerighty, Ivy Tower dev

3:29 PM – The Crew‘s angle is that you are infiltrating a criminal organization by taking over one city at a time in the game’s open world. Open world seems to be the name of the game this year at E3.

3:30 PM – The lines between single-player, co-op and multiplayer are blurred. Other cars could be AI, they could be other players.

3:30 PM – And now a live 5-player demo!

3:32 PM – Asynchronous challenges let you compete with friends even when you’re not on the same track.

3:33 PM – You can send invites to friends without entering a lobby or a loading screen to have friends help you finish missions together.

3:33 PM – Robust customization system too that lets you strip all the parts away from the car all the way down to the engine.

3:34 PM – Four players must work together to take down a rival driver in Miami’s busy streets.

3:37 PM – The pedestrian AI is pretty hilarious. They didn’t even move as cars are flying every which way around them. Although given the amount of onlookers at accidents, it makes sense.

3:38 PM – You can even customize your cars on your tablet device as part of a second screen experience.

3:39 PM – Dominic Guay, senior producer of Watch Dogs, talks about the connectivity of the modern world. “What would oyu do if you could hack into all those devices? If you could pry into their darkest secrets and take control of the city of Chicago?”

3:40 PM – The kind of justice you dispense is a moral quandary you must answer yourself.

3:41 PM – The facial animations are some uncanny valley shit. Really impressive stuff.

3:42 PM  – I realize that the implication is prostitution, but the guy Aiden’s tailing and his computer array of ladies looked eerily like Dov Charney/American Apparel.

3:43 PM – Never mind – it was human trafficking after all and not selling overpriced fluorescent nylon tights.

3:44 PM – And Just Dance 2014 is here with an insipid Pitbull remix! Now you can make your downstairs neighbors hate you even more than before with 6 player dances.

3:46 PM – Looks like I’m a goddamn psychic as Ubisoft is teaming with Nickelodeon to make a Rabbids Invasion television show. Apparently you can “play the TV show” too, which is an interesting proposition.

3:51 PM – Using a variety of simple, motion-based minigames, the show becomes an interactive experience. Although that screaming game needs to come with an option to disable it.

3:53 PM – Avast ye! Here there be pirates! And assassins! And hundreds of side missions! It’s Assassin’s Creed IV.

3:55 PM – Just imagine all the unlockable doublets and peg legs that’ll roll out after release, you guys.

3:56 PM – The naval combat in Assassin’s Creed III was one of my favorite new features, so I’m stoked to see it make a return.

3:57 PM – Creative director Jean Guesdon: “We promise to deliver a brutal pirate experience….a lot of drunken chaos.”

3:58 PM – Ubisoft is tapping Jonah Ray for the development of Assassin’s Creed V: Black Flag, where you travel to DIY punk shows in a van and murder people who break edge.

3:59 PM – Woo! In-game footage! Gentle guitar strains! Serene vistas!

4:00 PM – A stratosphere-shattering new trailer for Trials Fusion. How will our hapless rider survive in a city in the clouds?

4:02 PM – So, there will be two Trials games: Fusion for Xbox One, PS4, PC and Xbox 360 and Frontier which is exclusively on mobile devices.

4:05 PM – Not quite sure what game this is or if it’s an anti-imperialism, anti-capitalism documentary.

4:07 PM – “What will it take to save what remains?” A handsome French guy in a scarf! No, it will take The Division, a squad of highly trained tactical agents.

4:09 PM – For a shooter, the UI is extremely clean. Menus appear as part of game play in the vein of Dead Space.

4:11 PM – Intense, tactical combat with teammates issuing orders and communicating on the fly. It also looks awfully nice, which helps too.

4:14 PM – Once you shoot a signal flare, you have 90 seconds to extraction. At that point, another group of players stumbled upon them. This is Tom Clancy’s The Division and it looks really great. It’s an online, open-world RPG experience. This might just give Watch Dogs a run for its money.

4:16 PM  – That’s all she wrote for Ubisoft, folks. Stay tuned for our forthcoming Sony coverage and my upcoming nap, which I’ll be liveblogging as well. (Exclusive preview: “ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”)

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What do you think of Ubisoft’s offerings? Let us know in the comments below or on Twitter with the hashtag #NerdistE3!