He was a hero, yes, but Harry Potter had it rough, especially if you happen to be watching his exploits on a bootleg Chinese DVD with the subtitles on. Check out the photo gallery below, which is absolutely absurd but also teaches us a thing or two about our favorite boy wizard.

We knew that he had to face off against Voldemort, fight for respect on the Gryffindor quidditch team, and navigate the love triangle he was in with Ron and Hermione, but according to the (supremely questionable) bootleg subtitles, Hally Potter lived with his melon uncle before going to Hogawalz School of Wizardly and meeting Rond. Along with their classmates, they had to learn how to use their magic sticks, which will be helpful for Hally, since he later has to fight evil wizard Fodi. On the side, he secures the gold voice and apparently has some issues with job security, since he’s worried about getting fired. It seems like a lot of people are stoned, so maybe Hally is worried about a drug test.

The silliness of the movie doesn’t make Hally’s journey any less important. After all, as Hagrid put it, Hugalouz cannot exsist with him. In fact, this is our favorite version of the movie. Disagree? Send a yelling email to Professor Mike… or just let us know in the comments.

If you want to hear the hilariously inaccurate lines spoken by the film’s stars… well, you can’t, but one YouTuber made a video reading the subtitles in goofy voices, and it’s worthwhile:

HT: Shanghaiist

Images courtesy of Shanghaiist