How many people are expected to see Fifty Shades Of Grey this weekend? A lot. So many, in fact, that film analysts are estimating the movie’s opening weekend will break all sorts of February records.

Yup, move over Passion Of The Christ. Christian Grey is expected to dominate—pun intended—your $26.6M opening weekend in 2004 with almost three times as much moolah. (For those who aren’t so good with calculators, that’d be $75M-$85M over the holiday weekend.)(Editor’s note: ugh.)

From what we can muster, Jamie Dornan seems like a dreamy choice for the film’s lead role. Although, truth be told, we aren’t entirely done being mad at Charlie Hunnam for dropping out at the last minute. That said, there are definitely some recent Fifty Shades parodies that have us rethinking ALL the major players. Casting is a fickle mistress, don’t you think.

First up is Fifty Shades Of Buscemi, which has us looking at Steve in a completely different way. Okay, he’s not the hunkiest—or youngest—choice, but there’s definitely something very sexy about those watery eyes of his.

A ton of A-list actresses are said to have auditioned for the role of Anastasia Steele, before the part was ultimately given to Dakota Johnson. The Hollywood rumor mill has thrown around everyone from Felicity Jones to Lucy Hale. One name who didn’t seem to enter the conversation? Saturday Night Live cast member Vanessa Bayer. Producers really missed the boat on this, uh, potentially unique casting.

Finally, it’s not unusual during a movie’s editing process for scenes to end up on the cutting room floor. Take a look at what Fifty Shades would’ve looked like if they cast a fifty-something woman in the lead role. Personally, we don’t know which is more disturbing—the May/December relationship or seeing Ellen Degeneres as a brunette.