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Anna Chlumsky is the American Girl Hero We Deserve

American Girl Dolls: The Action Movie with Anna Chlumsky from Funny Or Die

Anna Chlumsky is here to light candle wreathes and kick ass… and she’s all out of candle wreathes. From her excellent guest spots on shows like 30 Rock and Hannibal to her outstanding turn as Amy Brookheimer on HBO’s Veep, the actress has proved her mettle and transitioned from child actor to critically-acclaimed adult actor with aplomb. In this Funny or Die short, she takes the lead role as Kirsten, the American Girl Doll character who (for those of you unfamiliar with the various American Girls) emigrated from Sweden to the United States. The narrator promises that the franchise is “even more lucrative, with guns! Explosions! And their arch-nemsis (Barbie).”

Amber Stevens West (Greek, 22 Jump Street) stars as Addy, who is styled as the “fierce freedom fighter.” Nearly every American Girl gets a weapon in this trailer, of course. Samantha is posited as a kind of posh Annie Oakley and called the “original American Sniper.” Kit Kittredge (who had her own Abigail Breslin-led movie a few years back) has gone from roving reporter to gun for hire as the “merciless mercenary.” Model Samantha Hoopes takes the role of Barbie, giving a very funny on-the-nose line reading of the words “evil laughter” at the end of the clip. It’s not a flattering portrayal of Mattel’s flagship doll’s intelligence, but unless we’ve slipped into a Mannequin/Toy Story hybrid universe and no one told us, we don’t think dear, sweet Barbie has any feelings to hurt? (Please don’t come to life and kill us.)

Which American Girl doll would you rather see defending freedom, America, and Capitalism? Sound off in the comments below!

HT: TheMarySue

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