We are all familiar with the premise of the classic Tim Allen Christmas movie The Santa Clause, where he became jolly old St. Nick after accidentally killing the real Santa. What you might not know is that the movie was a dramatization of a true story. That’s actually how it works! You kill Santa, you literally become Santa. And since every kid in the world is depending on the bearded man in the red suit, it’s the type of job that should be taken seriously. A role occupied by someone defined by his or her selflessness. Santa should be kind, loving, and above all, he should honor the holiday spirit that lives in the hearts of all mankind.

It’s definitely not the type of job that should end up in the hands of someone who only wants access to the massive elf-slave labor force, or all of those plates of cookies he can eat. And it is definitely not a responsibility that should handed over to a stone-cold murderer that hopes to live forever as a terrible god among men.

That’s why we can say, after some deep soul-searching and hundreds of hours of talking with the local authorities, the staff here at Nerdist are not the ideal candidates for the gig.

But here we are! It all started when our very own Andrew Boswer accidentally killed Santa last year and he ended up in the red suit. But that was only the beginning of the bloodshed… And with that, we’re happy to present you—hmm, “happy” isn’t the right word… uhh… well, whatever we are, we present to you A Team Nerdist Christmas Story!

What would be the best part about being Santa? Tell us in the comments below.