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A Shamefully Pun-Filled Review of Bioshock 2: Minerva’s Den

You know what I did for Labor Day? I played the new Bioshock 2 DLC ALL DAY LONG and it was SO MUCH RAPTUROUS FUN. Do you guys see what I did there? With “rapture”? Anyway.

After the constant disappointment of the Fallout 3 expansion games and the previous Bioshock multiplayer DLC, I’ve been super wary of spending my hard earned Microsoft points on possibly shitty game add ons. My love for Rapture knows no bounds however and there was very little I could do to stop myself from buying anything with the words “Bio”or “Shock” in it. This loyalty was rewarded with a perfectly constructed stand alone game, a Turing-esque storyline, and a plot twist I actually didn’t see coming. It’s a Carnival of Values! Sorry.

Minerva’s Den has you playing a Big Daddy again – this time around he’s called Subject Sigma (hello Greek name used most often in mathematics, science and engineering! Also hello Wikipedia!). According to the wiki backstory, Sigma was originally sent to the secret computing hub of Rapture to save little sisters only to be left for dead until fortuitously woken up by the voice of Charles Milton Porter, the creative genius behind the technology keeping Rapture running um…NOT SMOOTHLY AT ALL. Porter’s scientific creation is called “The Thinker” which is a supercomputer gone a wee bit rogue (thanks to some kind of disagreement between Porter and his business partner Reed Wahl over how it will be used). Anyway, “The Thinker” awakens or something which I guess is what happens when evil scientists living in a dystopia drink too much Hop Up Soda and abuse the splicing genes! Amirite? So, as with all the other Bioshock plots, two men are fighting for control of Rapture and you’re caught in the middle with a giant drill and a new plasmid.

If I had to say anything negative about Minerva’s Den – like if someone held a rivet gun to my head (JESUS KIALA STOP IT), I’d say the capture/defend of the Little Girls is just not something I ever enjoyed doing and the dearth of mini turrets and trap rivets makes harvesting them for Adam much more appealing than saving them even though I cry a little on the inside every time I do it. The somewhat overly familiar plot and game play, however, didn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact, I found it comforting – kind of like slipping into a warm bathysphere (I CAN’T STOP OMG). Overall, I’d give this new Bioshock 2 DLC a Big Daddy Thumbs Up! I hate myself so much right now.

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  1. Paul says:

    Nice write-up and thanks for not spoiling… especially as we PC Bioshock fans have still not recieved access to this DLC or the single player one before it. 😛

  2. Geoff says:

    Who doesn’t love a good pun? Or twenty? You should moonlight as the pun nerd.

    Nice write up, by the way. Bioshock 2 is still sitting on my shelf, but I’m hoping to get around to it soon.

  3. PapaFrits says:

    Never, ever apologize for a pun. For too long society has told us that puns are bad, that they are a lower race of jokes and are to be avoided. For too long we have been forced to make puns and then pretend that said pun was not intended (a vicious lie every time). You are who you are, Kiala Kazebee. No one else.