For nearly a century now, the New Yorker has featured writing by some of the world’s most respected minds. Joining those ranks is a fresh new voice who may just top the lot with what could arguably be the best content the magazine has ever produced. That’s an impressive feat without even considering the fact that the source is only nine years old.
Jimmy Kimmel Live writer Bess Kalb tweeted out some of the best cartoons her cousin’s daughter Alice has come up with for the magazine’s caption contest. They aren’t simply “humorous for a nine-year-old.” They are flat out hilarious, period.
Everything is terrible but my cousin’s 9-year old daughter Alice has been quietly and masterfully slaying the @NewYorker’s caption contest and it’s pure delight. pic.twitter.com/Lhzmq7Pnsb
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 4, 2018
Put “I told you to give the mayor pizza” on my tombstone.
It sounds like Alice really loves writing these, because Kalb says she makes sure to nab the magazine when it’s delivered before anyone else can.
There are so many (she grabs every issue before her mom can get ahold of it) and every single one of them is perfect. pic.twitter.com/vsnG2unIbN
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 4, 2018
Vintage Alice from 2017. I think you'll like her earlier work. (She asked for a collection of EVERY cartoon with the real captions removed) pic.twitter.com/sKr0CNFTZd
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Someone get this kid an agent now. No, seriously, look at this next one and try to come up with a better, cleaner, more pure joke.
From last year. The best one. pic.twitter.com/UzUgwQzGB7
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Kalb is an Emmy-nominated comedy writer, and even she had to admit how impressive her little relative is.
I am a professional joke writer for a professional TV show and I truly can't touch any of this. Thank you for being as obsessed with Alice as our family is!
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Kalb also pointed out how often young women are discouraged from pursuing a career in comedy writing, a largely male-dominated industry, which is why this is much more important than just one young girl.
Alice is an incredible kid. She loves her little brother and @HamiltonMusical (she knows EVERY lyric). Teachers don't always encourage creative writing, so today has been a huge shot of confidence for her. Let young girls know when they're funny and smart. Many people don't.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Imagine trying to discourage someone so young who came up with this:
You want more? You got more: pic.twitter.com/Fea7PksLq9
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 5, 2018
Understandably, the internet freaked out over these, and Kalb made sure to let Alice know how popular her captions were. But because she’s still a kid, Alice had the most kid response ever to the whole thing.
I asked Alice how she feels today and she sighed and said "Amazing." She let me know this is the second time her work has been featured on the local news. She won an art contest a few years ago and they showed her drawing, so, "Same thing." I told her she's right.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 6, 2018
Now that’s funny.
Which one of Alice’s captions is your favorite? Tell us in the comments below.
Featured Image: New Yorker
More great work from female artists!
- Check out the cover for Sam Maggs’Â Girl Squads
- Hayley Atwell subverts female characterizations in Howard’s End
- Read our review of Kay Cannon’s Blockers
