An estimated 98% of us experience earworms. Despite the annoying times that we can’t get a chorus or a hook of an overplayed pop song out of our heads, getting a really good earworm stuck can be one of the best things ever.

We here at Nerdist are dead-set on bringing you those types of songs, if only for the weekend. We’ll be scouring the internet for the best earworms we can shove into your meaty brains!

Yeah, so this week’s article is a bit weird and mostly just grasping at musical straws to fit in a song I’ve been meaning to unleash upon the world again. I hold today’s third song in somewhat the same regard as I do Snow’s “Informer” as it is not a good song but has stuck with me through the years for whatever reason (read: I’m a goddamn weirdo). Having it randomly pop into my head this week did lead me to some similar earwormy goodness. So here we go, some French earworms. Some “oreille ver fin de semaine” if one lazy pass at Google Translate is to be believed. I’m not trying again so I completely expect that to be wrong in both vocabulary and syntax.

Malajube – Montreal -40°C

Malajube is an indie rock band from Canada that serves as a stellar example that music in and of itself is a language. I am terrible with languages and am generally ashamed of myself for never sticking with the Spanish, Italian, French, and German classes I took at some point in my life. The “learn another language” ship has sailed in my life and I regret never ordering those Muzzy tapes, but I’ll happily still listen to music from other parts of the world and in other languages even if I can’t understand them. I could search for a translation for “Montreal -40°C” to understand the words (I have. It’s mostly about Montreal being cold so the title is spot-on) or I could just enjoy the song for being a catchy indie rock tune with an incredibly cool animated video.

Of course I can’t mention catchy French songs and not go with…

Plastic Bertrand – Ça plane pour moi

Oh Plastic Bertrand, your video from the late ’70s is somehow definitely from the ’80s. Well done. I doubt there’s anyone out there who hasn’t at least accidentally heard a part of this song at some point in their lives. The 1977 new wave/punk/pop hit “Ça plane pour moi” has been everywhere. It’s been covered by bands the likes of The Presidents of the United States of America and Sonic Youth and has somehow – to some degree – become an unofficial anthem/theme in movies for anything France related. Characters traveling to France and you don’t want to use “La Marseillaise”? Well, “Ça plane pour moi” it is then.

Alright, the next song is the real reason for this week’s article. The other two songs are great but they were just subterfuge for me to make people listen to this one again. It’s like the tape in The Ring, I release this upon you the reading/listening public so I may now be free of it. Also, to my editor, sorry about this one, it really is about as bad as “Informer.” [Editor’s Note: Blake, you are a monster person.]

Jordy – Dur dur d’être bébé!

Hopefully someone other than myself remembers this song from 1992. It’d be really effing weird if I was the only one so I hope I find solidarity in at least one person who also can’t forget terrible music. I can’t seem to think if there’s any modern day equivalent to the gimmicky songs of the ’80s and ’90s. I suppose there’s acts like PSY these days but he seems to be making a solid career with his weirdness so I can’t say that it’s the same thing as “Dur dur d’être bébé!”. The title translates “It’s tough to be a baby” and in 1992 we all took Jordy’s word for it as the song chronicled the various hardships a baby goes through. Before you write this off as some obscure song I dug up somewhere, it did very well on a substantial amount of international charts and even got to 58 on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. In fact, Jordy Claude Daniel Lemoine holds the world record for the youngest person to have a #1 hit song (and the second most French sounding name ever, probably). Think about that for a moment. There was a time where a good part of the civilized gave money hand over fist to the parents of a child being told to sing about how tough it is to be 4 years old.

I don’t know where to go from here. It’s like that old saying goes “It’s time to end an article when you hint at the exploitation of a 90s child pop star”

There sure are other French pop songs out there but let’s get down to the real questions. Which Jordy song was better: “Dur dur d’être bébé!” OR “Alison“? Trick question, they’re both terrible and creepy.

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Image: Malajube / Columbia

Blake Rodgers writes for Nerdist from Chicago IL where he lives happily with his Guinness World Record for High Fives. You can be his pal by following him on Twitter (@TheBlakeRodgers)