Happy Monday, folks and friends and foes and frenemies: it’s your daily edition of the almighty Nerdist TV-Cap! A recap of all the talk of TV-tinseltown fit to print on this very page. And news? Hoo boy do we have news for you: lots of it, in fact! So hunker down because this one’s gonna be a doozy, or I’m not the girl who just made a Patti LuPon dog joke on the Internet (Patti LuBone. Gonna buy a dog and name it Patti LuBone I’LL BE HERE ALL NIGHT FOLKS).

So let’s get started, shall we?

It’s A Shadow-y New Day for S.H.I.E.L.D: The synopsis for the season two premiere of Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. is here, folks. Here’s a peek: “Coulson and his team are now wanted fugitives with limited resources — but that’s not stopping them from keeping the world safe from powerful and unseen threats everywhere.” SPOILER ALERT: there’s also talk of new agents so go get your speculation on at the link. [Marvel]

Reunited And It Feels So Good: Xander and Anya reunited! I repeat: Xander and Anya have reunited! Ahhhh I cannot fangirl any harder you guys I might slip a disk! [Brisbane Times]

A Chat with The Flash: Our own Joe McCabe got some fun stuff from CW freshman series The Flash‘s showrunner about the show’s spinoff comic, The Flash: Season Zero: [Nerdist]

Wyatt Cenac Gets Special: Well, OK, he’s already a total gem but this special is no ordinary special: it’s a Netflix special. As in: a comedy special! Titled Wyatt Cenac: Brooklyn, the special-special will premiere on Tuesday, October 21. In the words of the Church Lady: well, isn’t that special?! Only it actually, legitimately is, Church Lady — don’t mock it! [Deadline]

Internet Videos Take Over TV: The Internet is so popular these days, with viral videos literally begging to hit the big time every .0001345 seconds in America, it’s no wonder there’s a whole entire show dedicated to them. And the show, RightThisMinute, has become so popular it’s being played in 92% of the markets in the United States — which is a lot, you guys. Like a lot a lot. So now you know how gram got so hip to “fail videos” without your assistance. The future: is now! And probably already on YouTube, as the new season premieres today (September 8th).

Mike and Van’s The Ascension, Part 2: Bless the beautiful, talented, intelligent, and wondrous humans that are Key & Peele. I mean really these two are just the best ugh. [Paste]

Family Guy is Hungry for Connie Britton: Peter Griffin is going to eat Tami Taylor’s hair. I repeat: Peter Griffin is going to eat Coach Taylor’s wife’s hair on an episode of Family Guy. Oh sweet lord: “A cutaway gag in an episode titled ‘Baking Bad’ that will air in October involves Peter breaking into Britton’s home. ‘She wakes up in bed to discover Peter is munching on her hair,’ says executive producer Steve Callaghan.” [Entertainment Weekly]

James Corden is the New Craig Ferguson: How does one write a blurb about the news of a very talented person you enjoy very much getting a job you wish CBS had given to somebody, anybody, that wasn’t just another charming white guy without sounding whiny? Because, y’know, isn’t it about time? Variety, life-spice, etc? Does this work? [Bustle]

New Walking Dead Trailer: The Walking Dead is almost here! So says the trailer we’ve got over on this here world wide webpage: [Nerdist]

Patti LuPone is Totally Dreadful: It’s funny because she’s absolutely so far from “dreadful” and also because the show is called Penny Dreadful — get it, get it? Anyway, the Broadway icon and boss bitch not to be f—ed with has joined the second season of the Showtime series as a guest star. [The Hollywood Reporter]

¡ESCANDALO!: I don’t care if you don’t watch Scandal or if this is not the audience for it. The Shonda Rhimes takeover of Thursdays (might as well just rename them Shondays) is HERE so make sure your calendars come correct: [Entertainment Weekly]

I Don’t Know, But Here’s This: Apparently it is no longer Elizabeth Moss, but rather Rachel McAdams who is in the running for the top spot in True Detective season two. Hey, you guys, remember when it was going to be an all-female thing that sounding equal parts new, badass, and a little bit thrilling? Yeah, I miss those days because Moss + McAdams would’ve been totally boss. Sidenote: I’m starting to think True Detective Season Two is a ghost, stuck on a flat time-circle, never meant to actually be, you guys. [The Huffington Post]

So — IS TIME A FLAT CIRCLE? REALLY? Let us know in the comments.