Well, this is confusing. Darren Aronofsky’s upcoming epic film version of the ark tale, Noah, is heralded as an “untold story,” which I think would be inaccurate on so many levels. Not only is the story of Noah and his floating ark of salvation one that’s been around for awhile — dude’s mythic lore can be found in the Bible, the Qur’an, and The Urantia Book — but it isn’t necessarily a story with a part that’s been left untold.

The legend of the one man who heeded the call of the notorious G.O.D. in order to get out of the way of a big-ass, humanity-destroying flood was bound to be epic in one way or another, and certainly ripe for the cinematic picking, even if most tend to remember it as a yarn about a very old, very drunk man — he was 600 years old when the flood came, after all — who managed a very impressive feat in the name of faith and family rather than the Russell Crowe-based adventure Aronofsky has manufactured.

In a new, super-sized, brand-spanking-new Super Bowl trailer, there are big snakes, big boats, big crowds, big eyes, and big declarations from the duty-bound mouth of Noah himself, Russell Crowe. Noah’s Ark has the sort of exclusivity and large-scale draw that’s typically reserved for Stefon’s hottest New York nightspots. But I suppose the promise of life rather than a big wet death will do that to an entire earth’s population.

Also starring Sir Anthony Hopkins, Jennifer Connelly, Emma Watson, Ray Winstone, and Logan Lerman, Noah will be released worldwide in March 28, 2014.