Deals site Woot.com is there for you when you’re into having neat gadgets that you don’t need, but you’re too broke to buy them. I don’t need a thermal laminator, but when some industrious Wooter finds one on the internet for $17.99, I might have to buy one. For under $20, why wouldn’t you? Think of all the wonderful things you could do with a thermal laminator. I’m pretty sure owning a laminator is how most successful con men get started.

1.) Buy thermal laminator.
2.) Make fake press pass.
3.) ?????
4.) Profit.

Anyway, here are three pretty terrific user-submitted listings that caught my eye recently. If any of you purchase one of these, you are officially my hero:

Pre-Order Your Flying Car Now – $194,000

Okay, so it doesn’t have wheels that flip downward and provide hovering capabilities. But it’s a car, and it flies. Therefore, it’s a flying car. I know, I’m disappointed too, but there was once a day when computers took up entire rooms and had minimal processing power. Now I can watch reruns of Firefly on my phone. So if this is where we’re starting, you do the math. In 50 years, these things could have a Tardis-like interior and run on nothing but happy thoughts.

Czechoslovak-Polish Amphibious Armored Vehicle – $13,698.63

Wait, so you’re telling me I can have my own ATV for less than $14,000? Oh, PLEASE let there be a traffic jam tomorrow. I will be the king of the 405. And it’s amphibious? Screw this apartment, I’m going to go live on the ocean in my Czech armored vehicle. In order to be allowed on board, you must call me “comrade” in a bad Russian accent. And I will speak like Sean Connery.

Personal 2-Person Submarine – $2,000,000

For those who have been saying “14 grand? That’s chump change!”, how about a $2 million personal submarine? This bad boy actually comes from Hammacher Schlemmer via Woot, so if you want to order some nice terrycloth towels with it I’m sure they can combine shipping.

Of course this sub would be great for exploring reefs up close and diving for sunken treasure/bodily remains dumped by the Bay Harbor Butcher. Personally, though, I would recommend buying it, getting a fake skeleton at the local temporary Halloween store, putting it inside, and placing the whole thing in your neighbor’s pool. Bonus points if you include a fake diary that chronicles the submarine’s travels through the Bermuda Triangle.

Got a favorite deals site? Seen a good deal lately? Have any ideas as to what to do with a thermal laminator? Leave a comment!