Yar. Every salty sea dog knows that the mythical “kraken” is one of the most mysterious, frightening, and powerful creatures to ever be said to swim the dark ocean depths. The beast lies there, under the waves, snacking on bait and the occasional pirate, just waiting for ships to sink and legends to inspire.

So when one steals your backpack, it’s no laughing matter. Yar. That’s precisely the fate that befell Team Nerdist’s Daniel Casey. And on that day, he knew there was only one course of action: get a theme song, have a montage, and go battle that son of a squid.

As it turned out, however, the kraken didn’t want to fight. In fact, the creature only took the beloved backpack because it wanted to stuff it with Kraken Rum!

Of course, this resolution was way too friendly for one Jessica Chobot‘s taste. She came for a parking lot brawl, and she’d leave with one. What commenced was a fight for the ages, that be sure, yar. Armed with two arms each and more implements of maim that you could shake a corncob pipe at, that day it was every man, woman, and sea beast for themselves.

As for me, Kyle Hill? Well, I hit someone with a whaling spear. I should probably lay low for a few days. Yar.

Today’s Nerdist Presents was sponsored by Kraken Rum. To “Release the Kraken” yourself, visit KrakenRum.com and sign up for The League of Darkness to receive discounts, gifts and special privileges. Safe travels my friends and remember to always drink responsibly. Yar.

Continue Sailing the Seas

• The scariest sea monsters in pop culture history.
• Science explains the true strength of the kraken.
• The best ever footage of a live giant squid.