“Space…what is the point of it? You have no idea. This is the Enterprise: a big circle with a porch. I’m the Captain Picard. Come with me!” That is the opening narration for Star Trek: The Next Generation, according to a predictive keyboard. It’s gloriously ridiculous and insane, but it would probably have been magnificent if Patrick Stewart had actually said it. And it’s just the tip of the iceberg from Botnik Studios‘ latest creation.

Via io9, the TNG predictive script was made by keyboards programmed with the language and syntax of the entire seven season run. Supposedly, these predictive keyboards are excellent for super-fast typing, but their true calling must be for comedy. “Here’s Looking at Q” is such a wild and insane look at the Enterprise’s crew that it would have been the standout episode in the show’s earliest seasons. It doesn’t make any sense or hold up to scrutiny, but it is freakin’ hilarious.

We used predictive keyboards trained on Star Trek: The Next Generation to write this bold new episode. https://t.co/Np8Wq0v9zQ pic.twitter.com/AwvNIXekGU

— Botnik Studios (@botnikstudios) February 1, 2018

It’s hard to tell where to begin with this one. Shall we start with Picard’s cat food party with Worf? Riker’s uncontrollable urge for new party drugs? Troi’s systematic mental torture of Geordi? Q’s sudden concussion? Or perhaps this instant classic line from Dr. Crusher to her brat of a son: “I should inject you with respect.” However, we have to give a special nod to Riker’s boast: “You think I need your help, Mister Data? I’m the first officer to convince a planet to explode, and I look forward to doing it again.”

There were some really shaky times for this series when Gene Roddenberry was still in charge of the creative direction. But in a strange way, this predictive script feels like it escaped from that era, and it is unintentional comedic gold. It wouldn’t win a Peabody award, but it did win our hearts with its inherent silliness.

You can read the entire Botnik TNG script here, but be warned: You’re gonna laugh a lot, assuming that you’re not a member of the Borg.

What did you think about TNG‘s encounter with the predictive keyboards? Let us know in the comment section below!

Images: CBS Television

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