Guys, let’s talk. There’s an epidemic slowly creeping into the food world, never showing it’s full form until you realize it was there all the while: laziness. The best part of food next to taste is texture—the crisp bite of an apple, a savory slurp of a hearty soup—but take those away in order to simplify consumption and suddenly you’re lost in a lawless world filled with potato chip-flavored soda.

The target of this tasty diatribe is the introduction of a new soda by Namco in Japan dubbed Potato Chip Cola. Why does this rub me the wrong way? It’s simple, the drink exists to recreate the taste of crunchy chips followed by a sip of cola, but why?! Why combine the two, why get rid of the best part—the feeling of a satisfactory crunch leading to total refreshment? The chips are necessary: the snack provides a textural component that results in happiness. I stand with chips.

Weird flavored beverages are nothing new (don’t get me started on gravy flavored soda during the holidays), but they’re so unnecessary. Soda is supposed to provide bubbly refreshment, not nightmare-inducing dreams.

As if Namco’s brazen assault on our self-induced laziness wasn’t enough, Potato Chip flavored Cola goes one step further by insulting us in the way it’s acquired. No, you can’t just hop into the local mart and buy this salty sweet drink, nor can you grab one from a vending machine at a train station. The Potato Chip Cola will only be available…by crane machine. That’s right, you’ll have to use your best crane-game skills to get one of these crunchless beverages and you know darn well you’re not very good at maneuvering that crane.

I’m insulted. Excuse me while I show myself out. I’ll be over here getting change for the crane machine.

Would you try your hand at a crane-game to get one of these Potato Chip Colas? Let us know in the comments!

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H/T: RocketNews24
IMAGE: Namco; wikicommons