In a world rife with ruffians and ne’er-do-wells aplenty, don’t you want your children to feel safe and secure? Don’t you want the freedom of running through the halls of their well-appointed elementary, middle, and high schools to ruffle their hair and spark their creative fire and spirit? Well, there’s only one way that’s going to happen and it sure as shit doesn’t involve that damn Marci Coates! That’s why we’re calling on you, parents of Glendale (and fans of Orphan Black) to vote Alison Hendrix for School Trustee.

Because NO ONE puts Bailey Downs in a corner!

Running on a platform of security and soaps for everyone, Alison Hendrix brings the sort of can-do attitude a middle-class enclave like Glendale needs. Yes, it might be easy for Alison-naysayers to parade her sobriety issues out for all the world to judge and gawk at, but those fools are wrong: they don’t understand the tenacity of spirit and strength of character and convictions one needs to be and stay sober. In fact, we’d go so far as to call them superpowers. Don’t you want someone with superpowers watching over your children?

And all that excess energy would be perfect serving your children’s needs. Why, she even learned a few coping mechanisms here and there, and can help all you stressed out moms self-medicate yourselves into a more relaxed way of life. Don’t you want to be more relaxed? Of course you do. And Alison Hendirx is here for you.

Will you be voting Alison Hendrix, Glendale school district? Tally your votes in the comments!