Hello sestras and brothersestras alike: this here recap is the epitome of Spoilerville. So unless you’re all caught up on Orphan Black‘s most recent episode, “Scarred By Many Past Frustrations,” we’d highly suggest maybe NOT reading this recap. Because we’re serious when we say it is chockablock with spoilers.

Welp, this just took a turn for the sexually transmitted, didn’t it? What in the actual hell is happening with these male clones? Here I was thinking we were finally close to getting answers and then — whoops! — another layer to the curious case of Caster gets added in. After ruminating for several recaps about the Castor clones’ deviant sexual behavior (and logging it in a notebook), we finally know why …sorta. Apparently something within these Castor boys is transmitted to the women with which they sleep. And they’re all aware of it — even Coady! — except for maybe Paul. It’s a sickness that no run-of-the-mill civilian doctor can explain, but involves a lot of pain and blood red eyes, as we saw in both Christina (the girl Rudy and Seth took advantage of) and Gracie. What in the actual fuck is going on, Orphan Black?

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves — sometimes it’s best to just start at the beginning. Helena and Sarah have been confined in twin cells on the mysterious base of Project Castor. But Helena’s less than pleased to see her twin sestra after Mrs. S traded her for Sarah and Kira’s assured safety via Paul. The majority of the episode revolved around the duo coming to terms with the reality of their situation and the events that took place at the end of season two. And while Sarah was all about teaming up with her crazy Ukrainian twin, Helena was less so thanks to the infinite wisdom of Pupok the fake talking scorpion of her daymares. Even after the duo come to some sort of “understanding” — if you could even call it that, really it was a one-sided temporary truce at best — getting out of the Castor enclave was never going to be easy, even as a united front.

“To a rat a small hole is like a door,” Helena explained before the plan was set into motion: Sarah would get herself captured in order to retain a pair of tweezers (seriously, is there anything those miracle tools can’t do?) so that Helena could unshackle herself, break the bars on the window of her cell, and get out. Following a swift naildrive to the skull (oof), Helena’s victory against the confines of her current predicament emboldened her to do the coldest thing ever: leave Sarah in her cell before scampering off to safety. “Now we are even, sestra.”

…Only not even Helena can rationalize away her bond with and feelings towards Sarah. Not even Pupok could steer her towards seeming freedom after she Talia al Ghul’d her way out of the camp. Because blood is the strongest bond of all, you guys! But now that Paul’s on the Sarah case, will Helena be able to set her sestra free?

Speaking of Paul: he 100% did not look like he had any idea about the sexual history logs — does that mean he doesn’t know about the clonetastical STD? If that’s something Coady is purposefully keeping from him, it could only mean one thing: shit is really, really bad. Right? Nothing about this could possibly mean anything good. But it was nice to see how real Paul’s feelings for Sarah are — he really did want to protect her from Coady at all costs. Which also leads us to believe that Coady is absolutely batshit crazy.

Less crazy was Gracie’s decision to seek out Art for help, though. After her crazy Prolethean family 86’d her after losing the baby we were hopeful she would end up in the care of Mrs. S and Felix. Is there any better a pair to bring a person into the light of day? Both of them are, above all else, compassionate and caring, and we learned quite a lot about Mrs. S from her trying to relate to Gracie’s situation. And any time Felix is forced to interact with a Prolethean/religious fanatic type is always a good time. Let’s go, Baby Jesus.

But all it did was make it even harder to watch Gracie take ill so quickly. That, in turn, got us thinking, though: I almost wonder if — like how all the female clones are sterile — something Duncan did to ensure they would not be able to reproduce is causing an unintended (or, gulp, even worse: completely intended) consequences with their partners. That’s some killer semen you’ve got there, boys!

(I know; I’m sorry about that one.)

Elsewhere in the clonisphere, Cosima is heading out on her very first Internet date with a gal named Shay, a spiritual healer and existential guru: a perfect match for Cos considering her currently metaphysical crisis state. Oh and we didn’t see Alison at all this episode but we’re sure she’s off drug dealing with the best of them because of course.

Other Stuff and Things:
– Coady’s relationship with these boys totally borders on something creepy and psychosexual, right?
– Like that whole “It wasn’t real; she’s not one of us” line Coady threw at Mark. WHA?
– Most Confusing Line of the Night: “Tracking down lost clone children takes time.” – Felix to Mrs. S. What scheme are those two cooking up and why does it involve other clones?! WHAT WHAT TELL ME MORE YOU GUYS TELL ME MORE.
– “Your biology can’t be ignored.” If I had a dime for every time we heard this on this show I’d have like 17 dimes.
– Do we think this potential gene therapy will actually fix the boys?
– Also: are the glitching and Super-STD related?

What did you think of the episode? Have any theories about this weird new STD that’s been thrown into the mix? Let us hear it in the comments.