Well damn. Saturday night’s latest episode of Orphan Black, “Mingling Its Own Nature With It” featured an on-the-nose performance, the revelation we’d all been waiting for, a new clone, and… wait a second — was that a freaking wedding? Hoo boy, the clones had it rough this week (and here we thought last week was tough). Thankfully, we’ve provided you with the opportunity to hear it their own (completely and totally made up by yours truly) words just how they feel about all of this nincompoopery, thanks to this week’s Clone Club Diaries. And trust: the sestrahood like no other has a lot to say.

Cosima
Wow. What a trip. This week has been…strange. Actually, strange really is more of an understatement given the fact that I did an autopsy on one of the other clones today. Jennifer Fitzsimmons her name was. She had the polyps on her lungs just like I do. It was really freakin’ surreal to see her lying there on the table. I had to constantly keep reminding myself that she isn’t me. Heavy, heavy stuff, man.

What makes it all so much crazier is the more deeply I entrench myself into the DYAD, the easier it is to forget what this all is. How is it that getting so close to the impetus of all of this — the creation of us — has fogged up my perception so? Some days I even forget Delphine is my monitor. She insists that’s a good thing but after Alison’s call, I’m not so sure. I don’t know if I believe her — that she has a second monitor — because it feels pretty excessive (even for the DYAD). And also she’s sort of a giant mess. But she’s also right: I shouldn’t trust Delphine. Not fully. But god it’s so hard, though.

We’re getting closer to figuring out the cause at least. (Silver linings — I will find you!) I can feel it. When we discovered the growths in the uterine wall, that was a serious coup. I mean — that could be the answer to both our infertility and the lung disease. Two birds, one biological stone, as they…definitely don’t say (but I just did)! I still say we need that original genome to make sense of any of it. Otherwise we’re just grasping at straws here making hypothetical diagnosis all willy-nilly. And I, for one, am not that sort of scientist.
Sarah
This was never how I wanted this to happen. I never wanted Kira or Felix to find out about all of this — about Cal being Kira’s dad — this way. And I sure as hell didn’t want Cal to find out this way. But breaking into his cabin just solved all of our problems: we needed a place to stay, somewhere I knew we could trust the owner should he happen upon us. And really, I needed a moment to bloody breathe! Last time I checked, I was the only one coming up with options to get us out of here and stay safe. I need time to think up a step two that works for all of us. And then Fe had to go and storm off like a child! What the hell was that about, huh? I thought we were a team…but I guess he’s on Alison’s now.

Whatever. I don’t regret this. And frankly, Kira needed it. After all that stuff with Mrs. S, all the lies and the running, Kira needed a moment of peace. Just a day to feel like a kid again — I don’t want her turnin’ into me. All angry and lost and confused because her parents were never around. I never had that.

Oh Kira, that little shite. How she cares so much, like when I was tellin’ her all that about growing up, and how she just knew what to say and do. She’s too smart, man! Too smart for her own bloody good. Sometimes I think she’s more adult than I am. I’ve never met someone so in-tune, not only to her own feelings and thoughts and what they mean, but to others’ as well. She clearly got that from Cal.

I wonder when we’ll see Mrs. S again. I don’t know if she’ll try to find us or not. The way she looked at me. It was weird. I don’t know if I can trust her, but she might really be on our side. Not that I have any bloody idea what side that is, with Proletheans and the DYAD coming for us in equal measure. Damn it I’m so mad about Fe leavin’ us. What does he mean he doesn’t fit in here?! We’re a family, yeah?

Alison
Well I just don’t know if life can get any worse. You know? I really don’t. I’m currently sitting in the dressing room backstage try to calm down before my debut. (Thank goodness for mommy’s helpers.) It’s opening night and I’m so nervous I feel as though I could just POP! at any moment. Just explode, everywhere. And there I would be, just, everywhere. A mess reflective of what I’m feeling inside that the cast would then have to clean up just like in the song. (God all of that is really just a bit too on the nose for me to handle.) Jitters, all I feel are jitters all the time. Especially after that run-in with that dreadful Angela woman.

I don’t know if I believe her cop story. She could still be my second monitor! …But she did know about Beth. Oh goodness I don’t know! I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know who to trust, who I can talk to, who I even am anymore for goodness’ sake! And if I don’t get some clarity and control over my life soon I think I may just burst. Hopefully writing out these thoughts will help me internalize and deal with them. Otherwise I might just crack my head open and that will be that!

Oh golly it’s almost showtime. Here’s hoping I can get through this without totally mucking it up.
Helena
They put me in white dress today. I eat grapes and bird and bread. Tall one in black put ribbon on our arms, ask for my salvation. I think I am married to the light once more.

—
Theories, Thoughts, and Things:
– IS HELENA MARRIED NOW, YOU GUYS?! I’m afraid Helena’s married now.
– Either way that was one seriously unsettling ceremony.
– Never trust people who dress all in white. (That’s a life rule and also a fact.)
– Proletheans be crazy!
– And it looks like Henrik might be taking her to be fertilized (if yannowwhatimean).
– Oh god that is all going to be so bad. SO BAD!
– Sarah really should’ve known that Felix is more of a glamper than a camper.
– But OH MY GOSH WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN TO SARAH?
– The conspiracy theorist in me wonders who it was that picked Felix up and if that helped lead Daniel to Sarah.
– Because how else in the world could Daniel figure out exactly where to find Sarah? How the hell did he end up at Cal’s place?
– Also: Cal Morrison > Daario Naharis.
– We like Cal Morrison. More Cal Morrison.
– It’s weird that they keep on talking about reproduction so much in relation to the secondary character’s movements. What with Cal’s bee pollinator drone stuff and Henrik’s cow-sperm-injecting. What are you trying to say, Orphan Black?
– “That Shakira-haired lookalike.” – Speaking of Ang — what is she doing?!
– Anyone else feel like Ang is going to die this season?
– Part of me feels like Art is manipulating her into following the leads on the DYAD. Pushing her because he KNOWS she can’t resist and they already know who he is.
– Gives him time to do crazy shit like going to the Proletheans house as if those über-whities wouldn’t notice a black man such as himself in their woods.
– Especially that ginger daughter of his, Gracie. She’s clearly crazy. 100%. I don’t trust her one bit.
– Also OH NO ALISON! Ugh, that fall had to have hurt, even with all those pills and booze. Poor Alison! I worry about you, Alison. I worry every day.
– Anyone else afraid Alison’s going to die this season?

So what do you think: Is Helena married to the nu-Proletheans now? Let us know in the comments.