Whenever I hear a new HAIM song, I usually imagine myself and the three L.A.-based sisters in the scene of a critically dismissed but publicly adored teen rom-com. I am imagining myself in an outdated Camaro with “The Wire” playing diegetically through the stereo. I am cruising down Sunset Boulevard when I spot the three sisters looking cute and making eyes at me. I drive past them at first, but because there is miraculously no traffic in this movie version of L.A., I reverse on the street with my windows down and make some sort of charming comment to all of them that would have earned me a slap in the face and a $1,000 dollar driving violation in actuality. I then pick them up and we speed off.

Since the song features all three sisters on vocals, I take each on some sort of fun, puerile date (putt-putt, bowling, carnival) and we appear to have a good time getting a strike or winning a big teddy bear. I take each one home to drop them off but don’t make a move, because this movie is PG-13, for goodness’ sake. The final scene features me sitting by my phone waiting for any of the three to return my texts and then we see all three sisters at home having a coordinated dance party while their phones buzz unnoticed behind them.

(I am not the least bit surprised that I am still lame as the protagonist in a publicly adored teen movie that I just made up.)

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