If you haven’t seen Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 yet, and don’t want to know how Groot looks at the very, very end of the movie, turn away now. Hit the back button on your browser, even.

Yes, that one. Whatever. It’s not important. Just navigate away to a place where “I am Groot” does not mean “Thanks for SPOILING, SPOILERER!”

Okay. Still here? Remember how Funko were the first to jump on Baby Groot’s appearance in the first film’s end credits and get a toy out super-quick? They’ve done the same this year, for Adolescent Groot, who’ll be an Amazon.com exclusive.

While he almost certainly won’t be as popular with the “D’awwwww! Baby Groot is so cute!” crowd, it’s entirely possible he’ll catch on way more with disaffected teens of all species, plant or otherwise. Hilariously, Geek Tyrant has found images of a variant, with a stereotypical “emo” hairstyle that must be seen to be believed. We highly doubt this Groot will dance adorably, because he’s not your superficial puppet, man! But we won’t be too surprised if he starts carving tattoos into his arms in the next film, or growing black moss to reflect the darkness in his soul. Rocket is going to be an interesting disciplinarian, that’s for sure. Our dad never owned nuclear bombs.

How do you feel about angsty adolescent Groot merchandise? They do grow up so fast, don’t they?  Why don’t you make like a tree…and LEAVE a comment below to let us know?

Images: Marvel Studios/Funko