LOS ANGELES, CA — FIFA announced Friday that for the first time in soccer history, nerds will not only be allowed to play the sport—they’ll have their own league.
Beginning on Monday, the organization will lift its ban on nerds, as well as introduce three new rules: (1) no physical contact, (2) when a goal is scored, the value shown on the polyhedral synthetic leather die will determine if the goal is valid, and (3) no casting vuvuzela missile at the darkness.
@dat: Ties will be settled with rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock.
And the game will be divided into 9 ten-minute sections to allow for reading breaks.
Savvier players will never tie as they are experienced enough to know that if they step back, behind the goal, there is a secret drop-down area where they can run under the soccer field and find a chest containing all of the power-ups (orange slices and kudos bars) they need to achieve victory.
“Nice save” is going to take on a whole new level of meaning.
Does this mean ties are going to be settled with rock, paper, scissors?
The refs can be stormtroopers or the Borg and the announcers can use some type of hologram
any chance of seeing you at w00tstock in San Diego?
Gooooooaaaalll! (for initiative)
But what about the refs? There must be a plan…
Unfortunately for nerds; Redbull, Bawls, and Rockstar are still banned as they are considered PEDs (Performance Enhancing Drinks)
I’ve told you you’re my hero, right?
Guys on the side lines will chow on hot pockets while rooting their team mates on via tweets that will appear on the titantrons!
(4) sudden death will be settled over the resting place of the monstrous Sarlacc.
Are you now allowed to eat cheese doodles and drink mountain dews while you sit on the ground and not have to chase the ball?