This is a movie that I’ve barely heard anything about, other than that it’s directed by Niels Arden Oplev, the Danish director who did the original The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. You know, the foreign one. It stars Colin Farrell, Terence Howard, and Noomi Rapace, fresh off of having laser-beamed an alien mutant baby out of her body. (It was in that movie, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows.) Anyway, this movie is coming out next week and here’s the dissection of its trailer.

0:00-0:05: A scene of sexuality? Way to give away plot elements, MPAA.
0:05-0:13: “…is a dish best served with pinto beans and rice.”
0:13-0:16: She’s got residual alien goo on her face.
0:16-0:21: Why would he have a giant projection of her on his wall?
0:21-0:24: This better not be just a remake of Rear Window.
0:24-0:38: That’s just a ridiculous waste of anytime minutes.
0:38-0:48: “Well, sure, that was my secondary plan.”
0:48-0:52: “Don’t even get me started on what I saw you do to Santa Claus.”
0:52-0:57: Bye bye, tension.
0:57-1:07: I don’t think I’ve seen anyone give less of a shit while shooting a gun than Colin Farrell.
1:07-1:14: So, is this a movie or a very long R. Kelly music video?
1:14-1:21: What? When did they do that? That’s usually something they show in a trailer.
1:21-1:31: “The second best thing this person can do is to bake me six dozen Rice Krispie treats. Those are yummy, but I understand not everyone knows how to bake.”
1:31-1:36: He was deliberately deceiving him. Man, he IS a bad guy.
1:36-1:38: “Surprise, we were here all the time.”
1:38-1:44: First Rear Window, now Vertigo? The hell, Danish guy?
1:44-1:48: Someone rigged a label maker to explode.
1:48-1:53: We at Nerdist do not endorse hiding in the building you’re blowing up.
1:53-1:55: And Blood also demands equal wages for women. Blood is tough but fair.
1:55-2:01: This makes Peckinpah’s action scenes look downright frenetic.
2:01-2:10: Uhhh… what the hell are we looking at here? Is this all a dream?
2:10-2:20: These are all shots from five different movies, right?
2:20-2:31: As opposed to Dead Man Up? Also, did you notice that one of the production companies is World Wrestling Entertainment? Does that mean we can look forward to seeing Ric Flair in a cameo?

I don’t know what to make of this movie, but it kind of looks awesome. I’ll probably see it.