Just when you thought the nightmare that is 2018 couldn’t get any worse, Minor League Baseball is here to prove you wrong. In what can only be described as a concoction created by an alien species with only a passing knowledge of human cuisine, the Erie Seawolves have unleashed this unto the world: a hot dog covered in Nerds candy and shoved into a cotton-candy bun:
Tonight for Sugar Rush Night the @erie_seawolves have a hot dog with a cotton candy bun and topped with Nerds. Fine, I’ll give it a try. pic.twitter.com/wpn8MTElAo
— Trey Wilson (@treywilson757) June 23, 2018
First of all, how dare you? Pennsylvania is the home of Hershey, so you’d think the stadium vendors would at least be respectful of their state’s sweetest legacy. Yet here we are. Let’s take a closer look at where they went wrong. Cotton candy is a great summer dessert. It doesn’t melt like ice cream and is easy to share out of giant plastic bags. Nerds are a crunchy delight that, mixed with cotton candy, could make for a delectably diverse experience for the palette. But then they ruin it with a hot dog. Now, I love hot dogs, but pig anuses do not pair well with delicately spun sugar!
This whole debacle could’ve been avoided if instead of a hot dog, the Seawolves chef had used edible raw cookie dough—a fad sweeping the nation—shaped like a hot dog. If they wanted a more classical dessert, they could’ve deep fried any cookie or fruit into the shape of a log. Or, maybe they could’ve taken a page from the cotton candy burrito? Look at this slice of ambrosia. Ice cream, sprinkles, and sugar? Yes, please.
In the mood for a sweet treat? A Las Vegas eatery serves up colorful cotton candy burrito→https://t.co/g0KjB3qvrj pic.twitter.com/LI31F0lKUo
— Las Vegas Review-Journal (@reviewjournal) June 17, 2018
Would you eat a cotton candy hot dog? If yes, why do you hate yourself?
Featured Image: Flickr/Thomas Tivoli
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